Every school year, an info sheet asking for basic details gets passed around during orientation. All the parents in the room scribble into tiny boxes our names, phone numbers, and email addresses. It’s at this point that our co-parenting crew has to raise our hands. “Can we take up more than one line?” We could never fit our email addresses in one little space, but we all like to be in the loop.
I can’t say our family is perfect in how we manage school, and I still wonder if my kids will try to pull one over on us as they get older. “No, Mom. Dad signed the progress report. I swear.” But one thing we have learned about combining co-parenting and school is that it takes initiative and creativity. The nice thing about school is it’s pretty predictable. Unless a kid finally finds a magic genie in a bottle, you can bet on there being teachers, tests, and homework. So go into this school year with a game plan and these 5 ways to co-parent well.
1. Have a “parenting folder.”
A few years ago, one of my sons had a teacher who gave him a week to do a homework packet. The teacher’s assistant would collect the folders each day and pull out any turned-in work. I always had to attach a note saying “Not turning in. Just taking to Dad’s,” so she wouldn’t pull his papers out and mark them as incomplete. Assign a folder as your “parenting folder” and use it to send important paperwork between houses. You can send a heads-up text saying “Birthday party invitation and progress report coming in folder,” so he knows to check it.
2. Communicate in every way possible.
My sons like when they’ve studied with Dad and I send him a text with a test score. I like that it reinforces the fact that we’re a single parenting unit despite being in two separate houses.
I don’t think it’s possible to overcommunicate about co-parenting and school. If your child comes to you about bullying or issues with friends, don’t assume she’s telling her dad. If you send an email to the teacher, copy him. Use that shiny new parenting folder to send notes back and forth.
3. Be there together.
My ex-husband is great about coming to parent-teacher conferences, so while many dads leave that job to moms, our sons’ teachers get to chat with both of us. If yours is willing to be there for orientations, meetings, and events, don’t keep him away. The year will go more smoothly if he knows what the school’s expectations and policies are.
You might not want to walk your kids to class with your ex-husband or sit in the row behind him at your daughter’s chorus performance, but unless things are contentious, doing things together shows your kids you love them and can set differences aside for their well-being.
4. Create a shared calendar.
Especially if you have kids at more than one school with different dismissal times and days off, having a shared calendar (There’s an app for that!) is a must. You can use the calendar to share information like a study and test schedule and plans to sign the kids out for dentist appointments.
We use it for holidays, half-days, and scout meetings. My sons are always with their dad on scout nights, but since I can see that a meeting is coming up, I can encourage them to get one extra sheet of homework done so they aren’t stuck doing it in a rush the night of a meeting. More info is better!
5. Be flexible.
Do you ever look at married parents and think they’ve got it so easy? All the school supplies, homework, and shoes are in one house. Meanwhile, you have to think three days ahead at all times. One of the best bits of advice for maintaining some level of sanity while you’re juggling co-parenting and school is to be flexible.
If a project is due and the poster board got left at the other house, it might be necessary to put dinner on the back burner (literally) and make the drive for a meetup. Even the most responsible child can’t be expected to keep track of everything between two houses. Your mission is to give your child a smooth school experience and your extra effort will pay dividends.
What are your best practices for co-parenting during the school year?
