Most of the best family memories revolve around something that was really funny. To possess a sense of humor is not only a happier way to exist, but it’s good for you. Laughing reduces stress and builds our connections and relationships. If you want more smiles, here are 10 ways for your family to laugh more.

1. Old Stories

Your kids absolutely love to hear funny stories from your childhood. Self-deprecating humor is always a winner. Just don’t go too far with it and ruin their opinion of you. Sharing your past helps them bond with and feel closer to you.

2. Creative Bedtime Stories

We all read bedtime stories to our kids. But do you make it funny? The laughter of your daughter or son is the most beautiful sound in the world. Add funny voices to the characters. Make hand motions. If you are the creative type, make up your own stories. Kids love to be included in the storyline.

3. Observing Life

People-watching and making up funny stories as you go is great fun. Same thing applies to animals. You would be amazed how many silly conversations you can pretend they are having. Keep it light though. Humor shouldn’t be mean.

4. Slapstick Movies

Before you roll your eyes at the idea of watching a movie that has slapstick humor, remember that physical comedy almost always hits with kids (pun intended). A mindless film is a good way to get a belly laugh with little kids.

5. Your Own Lyrics

Chances are you are listening to your kids’ favorite music anyway. By the 500th time around, you probably need to switch things up to keep your sanity. Make it fun for yourself and funny for them by changing the words more to your liking. Sing it loud and proud.

6. Impersonations

It could be of anybody or anything—one of their favorite television characters, a famous singer, or your kids’ grandpa. Even if you stink at your impression, it will probably still be funny. The laughter might come from how bad you are at it, but it’s still humor.

7. Silly Pranks

A timeless classic: the whoopee cushion. It’s funny 99% of the time. The whole joke depends on the timing. There’s quiet hush in the room. One of your sons is in serious mode, ready to sit down and study. Boom. Now that’s funny. Pranks require catching the victim off guard. It also requires good enough sense not to be mean or destructive.

8. Crazy Props

Funny coats. Wild hats. Fake teeth. Props rule when it’s unexpected. Maybe you are shopping with your daughters. Grab one of those big sun hats that always seem to be around women’s clothing stores, put it on, and sneak up behind your kids. It will be funny. If you keep a straight face like it’s normal, that’s even better. The key to humor is always timing.

9. The Repeated Joke

Some of the funnies moments in my family of four happen when we repeat a line we heard from a movie or show or in conversation. It can make absolutely zero sense in the context of the current conversation, but little inside jokes and one-liners create a sense of unity and bring big smiles.

10. Real Life Situations

Everybody has bad moments. Maybe you just tapped into the back of the car in front of you. Maybe your bag of groceries—the one with the carton of eggs—just broke open two feet from your front door. Generally, you might be inclined to shed a tear. (Eggs are expensive!) Instead, make it funny. Lighten the tension. Making fun of yourself at these moments can turn a possible bad memory into a lifelong great one.

What do you do to make your family laugh?

The post 10 Ways to Make Your Family Laugh More appeared first on iMOM.

By developing strong relationships with grandparents, children profit well into adulthood, especially in their mental well-being, according to Boston College research. However, moms benefit as well. Additional research shows that having healthy grandparents around supports a mother’s mental health. To lean into the importance of grandparents in children’s lives, here are 10 ideas to actively involve them in your kids’ upbringing.

Ideas if Grandparents Live Close

1. Schedule regular visits. – This may seem obvious, but sometimes highlighting the importance of grandparents in children’s lives means texting (or calling) and inviting them over. Some moms find this especially true for their in-laws or step-parents.

2. Host family movie night with family movies. – Ask grandparents to come over and bring old videos to watch. Hearing and seeing stories about her family history gives your child a deeper understanding of her roots and cultural identity. This fosters a sense of belonging, which can be incredibly important during adolescence.

3. Encourage “Well, when I was a kid…” stories. – Remember when concert tickets cost $30 and you stood in line at a record store to buy them? Remember record stores? Eventually, these will be stories grandparents tell instead of Beatlemania, the Vietnam War, and walking uphill in the snow both ways to get to and home from school. Get the yarns spinning with the When I Was a Kid Conversation Starters.

4. Pass on the skills. – My oldest daughter learned how to sew using my machine. I didn’t teach her, though. This mom can’t even thread the needle properly, but my mother-in-law can! So, Gargar taught Emerson all of the basics. And, in turn, Emerson showed her how Skype–and, later, FaceTime–works. Your child’s grandparents know a thing or two, too. Maybe it’s how to change out the oil in a car, bake a red velvet cake, or how to speak Spanish.

5. Promote one-on-one time. – You already know the importance of spending one-on-one time with your child. The same ideas for parent-child date nights (or days) work for grandparents, too. Start low-key and adjust based on your child and family situation. For example, if your toddler experiences separation anxiety, meet up with a grandparent at the donut shop and sit at a nearby table.

Ideas if Grandparents Live Farther Away

6. Have family dinner night via Zoom. – We started this tradition during the COVID years when my husband’s 84-year-old mother couldn’t come visit. Now, she always attends birthdays, Easter brunch, and pre-scheduled dinners with us. We even give her a seat at the table where we place the screen. The same idea can work if your family dinner night looks more like grabbing a bite in the car before practice. Just make good use of the phone holder!

7. Host a good old-fashioned family reunion. – Reunions aren’t just for high schools. Bring the whole family together by planning a yearly or biannual multigeneration gathering. Your child will get grandparent time and time with uncles, aunts, and cousins, too!

8. Increase the screen time. – Yep. You read that correctly. Not all screen time is created equal. In addition to the family dinner night above, use technology to bridge the distance in other ways. Set up a family group chat. Do a Friday Family Check-In each week. Tweens and teens especially use their phones to stay connected with their friends, so why not extend the conversation to include grandparents?

9. Become classic pen pals. – Go old school with cards, hand-drawn pictures, or little notes scribbled on an index card. Several times a year, our daughters’ great-grandmother would send a $2 bill as a special treat. It’s still a cherished memory.

10. Share the livestream for your kid’s events. – Many schools, venues, and events offer livestream options. For example, our oldest daughter is a competitive dancer. All of her competitions offer livestreams. We share the link with her grandparents so they can tune in. However, if your kids’ events don’t, FaceTime during key moments, like when your son gets up to bat or your daughter’s robotics team goes to battle!

Can you share a specific memory or experience in your life that highlights the importance of grandparents in children’s lives?

The post 10 Sweet Ways Your Child Can Connect With Grandparents appeared first on iMOM.

Often, saying thank you is not only the most straightforward option, but it’s also the healthiest, most productive, and best example for our kids. Have you ever opted for something other than thank you in one of these 5 situations?

1. When You Receive Unsolicited Advice

When someone you didn’t ask puts in her two cents (“Don’t let your son play football!” or “Seed oil is horrible for your kids.”), what’s your go-to response? Sometimes, I get defensive or annoyed because the words hit a nerve. Often, the advice makes me think I’ve been doing something wrong all along and just didn’t notice.

Simply saying thank you when you get unsolicited advice does three important things. It helps you grow in humility, prevents an unnecessary argument, and shows the other person respect.

Here’s how it can play out:

Your mother-in-law says, “You really should give the kids elderberry syrup. They won’t get the sniffles nearly as often as they do.” You’re tempted to say, “I know what’s best for my kids. We’re doing what we need to do.” Instead, try, “Thank you. I’ll consider it.”

2. When You Get Feedback

I’m part of a great team of writers. I would love it if every first draft I wrote got rave reviews, but sometimes, I get a “meh” or a suggestion for improving an article. Of course, that means more work!

Saying thank you when you get feedback has one huge benefit. It shifts you from a fixed mindset to a growth mindset.

Here it is in action:

Your coworker says, “The work you did wasn’t your best. I think it could use a bit more attention.” You’re tempted to say, “If you knew how much was on my plate, you wouldn’t say that! The reason it’s not my best is because so-and-so…” Try saying, “Thank you for your feedback. I know you’re trying to help me grow.”

3. When the Person Has Good Intentions but Bad Delivery

“Wow. Your boobs shrunk.” That was my mom’s way of saying, “I can see you’ve lost weight.” She knew I’d been eating healthier and exercising, but it stung that her “attagirl” was packaged as criticism. I didn’t want to pick a fight, and I knew her intent, so I just sighed and said, “Thanks, Mom.”

Saying thank you when someone’s well-intended words come out wrong does something profound. It extends grace, which is something we all want in return.

Here’s how my situation could’ve gone differently:

My mom says, “You’re not filling out that shirt anymore.” I could’ve said, “That was rude. Why couldn’t you just say, ‘You look nice?’” Instead, my thank you communicated, “I know what you meant, and I appreciate that you care, even if you have a strange way of showing it.” It’s worth mentioning I’ve gotten this wrong many, many times.

4. When Someone Compliments You

“You did a great job organizing the teacher appreciation luncheon.” If you heard that, how would you respond? I’m inclined to point out ways the luncheon could’ve been better. Harvard researchers found that many people divert compliments to protect themselves from future disappointment. They think downplaying a strength keeps you from setting yourself up for failure.

Saying thank you when someone compliments you gives a gift to both you and the other person. It lets you experience joy and acknowledges her kindness.

Here’s how to do it well:

Another school mom says, “That luncheon went off without a hitch! You should do that professionally!” Instead of saying, “You have no idea how chaotic it actually was. I botched so much!” Try saying, “Thank you for saying that. I appreciate it.”

5. When You’ve Done Something That Iconvenienced Another Person

Have you ever been the last mom to pick up her child and made the adult in charge wait? I have! I usually spit out some combination of, “I’m so sorry. Traffic was horrible/I lost track of time/My meeting ran over.” None of those are wrong, but as writer James Clear explains, this response “still makes the situation about you.”

Saying thank you when you’re late or have inconvenienced another person creates a shift from self-focused to other-focused. It acknowledges the sacrifice the other person made.

Here’s how to make that shift:

You’re 10 minutes late for picking up your daughter from dance, and the teacher is waiting with her keys in her hand. Instead of saying, “I’m so sorry. I’m trying to get better about running late. I need to set my clocks ahead!” Try saying, “Thank you so much for waiting. You’ve been really patient with me, and I appreciate it.”

In which of these five situations could saying thank you help you the most?

The post 5 Times Simply Saying ‘Thank You’ Is the Best Response appeared first on iMOM.

In 1995, after 50 years of holding onto that anger, she chose to forgive her persecutors. She’s now known for her message about forgiving others. One of her oft quoted statements is, “I didn’t forgive the Nazis because they deserve it. They don’t. I forgave them because I deserve it.” It took time and a series of events for Eva to know she was ready to forgive. How about you? Are you ready? Here are 5 ways to know.

1. You can identify ways unforgiveness has hurt you.

Eva Mozes Kor discovered a fundamental truth about forgiveness that changed her life and can change yours. Forgiveness is less about the other person and more about you and your emotional freedom. Not forgiving others keeps you enslaved to the pain and anger you’re feeling and the actions of the other person.

Has unforgiveness caused you to become a negative person, act guarded in or reject new relationships, or use alcohol or drugs to numb the pain? Identifying how unforgiveness is working against you is a powerful step in choosing to forgive.

2. You can name something good that came from the pain.

Raise your hand if you went to a wedding in the early 2000s where the first dance was to the song “Bless the Broken Road” by Rascal Flatts. (You can’t see me, but I’m raising two hands.) Those couples swayed to the message we all need to embrace: Bad things might happen, but they don’t mark the end of our stories.

I think God has a way of taking our pain and making it good if we seek Him. That “good” for you might be a new, healthy relationship. Or maybe because of the way you were hurt, you decided to help others through their pain. Or maybe your struggle led you to take up an activity that led to new friends or a healthier lifestyle. When you can see good that’s come from the pain, it’s a sign you could be ready to forgive.

3. You want to look forward, not back.

At my friend’s engagement party, she said, “I’m so excited for a fresh start. I don’t want to dwell on the past anymore.” She’d gone through a messy divorce 10 years earlier, got counseling, and learned from her mistakes. She realized her last marriage was no longer where she wanted to put her energy. She said, “I needed to let go of that story so I could live again.” I couldn’t help but smile and feel excited for her.

Want to look forward instead of back? Ask yourself these questions. What’s one way I want to grow, and what step could I take that would lead to that growth? How do I feel when I look back, and do I want to continue to feel that way? What’s something good coming up that I can put effort into?

4. You can see where you may have been at fault.

“I have to own my part in this.” My friend was venting to me about a fight she got in with another woman that led to a lot of bitterness and tension between them. I couldn’t see how she was at fault, but in her self-awareness, she acknowledged she’d done something to contribute to the problem. I was really impressed.

Maybe you let hurtful behavior go on for too long or weren’t completely honest. When you can see your missteps and admit you also need forgiveness, it can make forgiving others and extending mercy easier. I know I’ve been forgiven countless times and don’t know if I always deserved to be forgiven. Who am I to withhold something that’s been graciously given to me?

5. You want to be ready to forgive.

Being “ready” is something you might never feel. It’s a bit of a moving target, but wanting to want to forgive is a sign your heart could be ready to take that step.

I’m ashamed to say this, but one of the types of prayers God hears from me most often is “Give me the desire to _____.” I often ask God to help me want to do the things I know I ought to do. Give me the desire to help others because I’m feeling apathetic. Give me the desire to read my Bible because I’m distracted. Give me the desire to forgive, because right now, I’m not feeling it. 

Still not ready?

What’s holding you back from taking the next step? Try picturing yourself walking a mile with a heavy boulder. Now, set it down and keep walking. How does your posture and pace change? If imagining putting down that burden brings you a feeling of lightness, you might realize you’re actually more ready to forgive than you thought.

What’s a step you think you could take to be closer to forgiveness?

The post Are You Ready to Forgive? 5 Ways to Know appeared first on iMOM.

Ed and Sharon’s story is beautifully told in a new movie called Ordinary Angels. It’s a true story about a community of people who came together to help a suffering family. No one enjoys suffering, but women tend to be more comfortable with painful emotions than men. As a wife and mother, you can support the guys in your life so they don’t hurt in these 4 unnecessary, unhealthy, and unproductive ways.

1. Silently

Author Brene Brown said in a TED talk that she was approached by a man at a book signing. He said he liked what she had to say about shame and vulnerability but was wondering why she didn’t mention men. After she replied that she didn’t study men, he said, “That’s convenient. You say to reach out, tell our story, be vulnerable, but do you see those books you just signed for my wife and my three daughters? They would rather I die on my white horse than watch me fall down.”

Whether it’s a fear of being perceived as weak or falling short of expectations, there are too many men suffering in silence. And while their pain might not come out in words, it will most definitely come out. Silent suffering can lead to addiction, anger, and depression. As hard as it is to put everything else aside, when guys start to talk, try to listen, ask questions, and hold back criticism.

2. Alone

This doesn’t mean men shouldn’t ever feel lonely. It means they shouldn’t suffer alone. That’s what Ed Schmitt was doing. Too many men are either afraid or too proud to share with others how they are struggling, or even that they are struggling at all. Then there are those who bravely step out and share with other men how they are suffering only to be ignored or, worse, belittled.

Being isolated in suffering never increases someone’s strength; it only makes friendships more superficial and hearts heavier. Even if you’re a good listener, if your husband or sons are suffering, they might need other men to talk to. Pray and search for people willing to walk with them and emotionally share their burdens.

3. Ashamed

Men think they’re supposed to know all and fix all. When they lack knowledge they think they should have or experience moments of weakness, they can experience a lot of shame. My husband doesn’t follow sports, and my son isn’t into them either. Both have separately asked me if I thought they were “lesser” guys because of it. I laughed, but this type of shame is common in men.

Too many guys think there’s a manly way to handle suffering and anything outside of that norm is shameful. Wives and mothers need to allow our guys to process their emotions openly and avoid saying things like, “Be a man and don’t cry,” or “Time to be tough.”

4. Confused

There’s a lot of confusion about what it means to be a man these days. Be tough but also sensitive—but not too sensitive. Share emotions without being overly emotional. Be strong and commanding, but not too commanding. Many men are left confused, and in the end, it’s easier for them simply to choose to suffer alone and in silence. In Ordinary Angels, Ed refused Sharon’s help over and over because it was “his job” to solve his problems.

The last thing suffering men need is the added burden of confusion about the right way to process pain as a man. Men need to be given the freedom to be vulnerable and accept the comfort and help of others. If your husband is going through a hard time, give him permission to be raw. If your sons are in a tough season, encourage them to be authentic and ask for help. It will be a blessing to them.

What are some other ways you’ve seen men suffering unnecessarily?

The post 4 Ways Your Son or Husband Shouldn’t Suffer appeared first on iMOM.

“Do unto others as you would have them do unto you” ran through my mind. I wanted to do thoughtful things like that with my kids, too. But let’s be honest: Who has the time or energy? Here are a few ways to serve others as a family—things that take very little time or planning but can make a big impact.

1. Always pack extra to share.

Get into the habit of bringing or packing extra just in case there’s someone to share with. This could be school supplies (especially in August or after the first semester when supplies run low), lunchbox items, snacks, or holiday treats. It doesn’t take much time to throw one more in, and it gets kids into the habit of looking for someone to share with.

2. Create a prayer board.

Hang a chalk or dry-erase board on the wall or stick one on the fridge. Tell the kids to write the name of anyone they know who might need prayer. You could also use our free Prayer List for Kids printable. This keeps people fresh in our minds so we can remember to pray and check in on them. If you’re not into a prayer board, you could make a “Care Board” or title it “Thinking of Others.” This is one of the easiest ways to serve others as a family.

3. Take meals to people.

There’s nothing better than a home-cooked meal when you’re sick or in recovery. This is an idea we do as moms to be an example to our kids. And the kids can, at least sometimes, help cook or deliver food. There’s no need to plan something fancy—just double whatever you were already making for dinner and package up the extra for your friend or neighbor.

4. Stockpile supplies.

Purchase disposable dishes for delivering meals, boxes of blank cards, and small gift bags. Keep them in a place where your kids can get to them easily. Hold off on stockpiling candy and other goodies. Aside from the fact that those will “mysteriously” disappear, it’s best to let your kids pick those out as needed to make it personal. Bringing loved ones their favorite candy and a card with a handwritten message goes a long way!

5. Keep a “Do Unto Others” change jar.

Put a glass jar in the kitchen where everyone can drop in their loose change or a dollar here and there. When it’s full, brainstorm with your kids about who you could spend this money on—a friend in need? A neighbor? Or could you make a donation to someplace you all care about, like an animal shelter. Sometimes money is hard for kids (and adults) to part with, so getting kids used to being generous with money early on is good.

How do you find ways to serve others as a family?

The post How to Find Time to ‘Do Unto Others’ With Your Kids appeared first on iMOM.

I instantly felt defeated. So did my daughter. I vowed to work on listening with intention. Here are 5 ways to listen like you mean it.

1. Make sure you’re ready to listen.

Sometimes we’re able take a break from what we’re doing to listen to our kids—the sink full of dishes or the text about tomorrow’s carpool can wait a few minutes. Other times, we can’t, like when you finally get through to a customer service representative after waiting on hold for an hour. Listening with intention is only possible when we can focus on the speaker. Ask your kids to wait by saying something like, “That sounds exciting. I need to finish what I’m doing. Then I want to hear all about it!”

2. Restate what the speaker said.

My son was telling me about his high school baseball team. He was lamenting the fact that he hadn’t gotten much playing time. He couldn’t understand why, since he’d played well in previous games. It was frustrating for my husband and me as well. In the middle of our chat, my son said, “I just want Coach to know I’ll work hard. I try to show him at practice, but I guess I need to ask him what I need to do to earn a spot on the field.”

Listening with intention includes restating or paraphrasing what the speaker said in your own words. This shows you’re listening and attempting to understand. If your restatement is accurate, the speaker will agree. If your restatement was not the point, he has a chance to correct you. I restated what my son said: “So you’re going to ask Coach what you need to do to be able to play.” My son confirmed he wanted to talk to the coach himself, helping me understand I needed to let him handle it.

3. Ask open-ended questions.

My daughter’s friend recently posted a picture of my daughter and some other friends on social media. There was nothing inappropriate about the picture, but it was taken and posted during school hours. Another parent brought the post to my attention. I wasn’t upset with my daughter, but she needed to understand that school is for learning, not social media.

“Do you think that was a good idea?” or “Are you girls supposed to be using your phones at school?” are closed-ended, yes or no questions. These kinds of questions don’t get us anywhere. Open-ended questions leave room for unique answers and lead to better explanations. I asked, “What made you want to take photos during class?” She told me she just did it for entertainment because she was consistently bored in class—an issue I didn’t know she was having.

4. Stay on topic.

When a question pops into my head, I want to let it out. This confuses and frustrates my kids. My daughter telling me about her friend who got a driver’s license might remind me that the friend’s grandmother was sick last week. So I jump in and ask about the grandmother, essentially stopping the conversation my daughter wanted to have. Just like moms need to avoid outside distractions like cell phones, we also need to avoid distractions coming from our own off-topic thoughts. Listening with intention helps kids feel supported and heard. Let kids stick to the original topic. We can bring up our questions about other things when they finish.

5. Listen to understand.

“Not everything has to be a life lesson.” That’s a direct quote from both of my kids. When my kids tell me about their days, I want to share some mom wisdom and seize a teachable moment. But when you become the speaker, you’re no longer the listener. Often, this shuts kids down. Kids receive a lecture when they are just telling a funny story about what happened in science class. They may feel like you don’t care what they have to say because they aren’t allowed to finish. Listening with intention allows us to enjoy our kid’s sense of humor, knowledge, or storytelling ability. File that life lesson away to share later.

What do you do to show your kids you’re listening?

The post 5 Ways to Listen With Intention to Your Kids appeared first on iMOM.

Truthfully, I don’t remember how much force I used to grab my daughter’s arm. All I remember is wanting to make sure she didn’t get hit by a car. It’s important to know how to deal with criticism, but given what could have happened had I not intervened, should I care about that nosy stranger’s opinion? Not a chance. But did I? Yeah. For a few minutes, I couldn’t shake his sharp words. But I shouldn’t have let it bother me. Sometimes criticism is worth taking. Other times, it isn’t. Here are 3 types of people whose criticism shouldn’t have power.

1. Biased Critics

When a friend decided not to allow her six-foot-three 14-year-old son to play football, the coach called her decision foolish. She didn’t feel good about her son playing and was going with her gut. The criticism from the coach was from a place of self-interest.

If you are met with criticism from someone who would directly benefit from your failure, don’t give their words much weight. Biased critics wear self-colored glasses. Their slant on life blinds them. Take this into account when deciding how to deal with criticism. You can let their opposition cripple you, or you can recognize that you are catching heat because their vision is skewed.

2. Disrespectful Critics

Even if we disagree, we should extend respect to people as a baseline courtesy. That being said, I had a boss I struggled to respect. He routinely spoke poorly about women and cursed in front of me and my coworkers. He’d yell about small mistakes or missteps and because of his demeanor, the feedback he gave was difficult to take seriously. As much as I tried to separate personal from professional, I couldn’t. An opinion becomes less relevant if the person giving it puts you down, lies, cheats, or steals.

3. Unqualified Critics

I’ve never cooked dinner for Wolfgang Puck, but I would definitely welcome his criticism of my meatloaf over my vegan neighbor’s. Puck has the credentials to critique a meal. He’s one of the most famous and well-respected chefs on the planet, so I should want to hear what he has to say. My leaf-eating neighbor? Not so much. Consider if the source has any knowledge of your subject when fielding criticism. You’ll save yourself from trying to please everyone, and it’ll help you learn how to deal with criticism.

A Particularly Tricky Critic

One critic many women struggle with is the one in their heads. You should be able to trust your voice, but sometimes it’s a perfectionist or there’s a history of abuse that has skewed your perception. If you hear your voice nagging at you that you’re not doing enough, you’re not good enough, or you’re falling short in some other way, here are some words of wisdom.

When does criticism impact your decision-making most?

The post 3 Types of People Whose Criticism Shouldn’t Have Power appeared first on iMOM.

When a friendship makes us feel trapped, drained, or wanting to make excuses to avoid the other person, it’s a good sign the relationship is toxic. And sometimes, the reasons we stay come from within. Here are 5 beliefs keeping you trapped in toxic friendships.

1. I am responsible for other people’s well-being.

It is really hard for me to see someone in emotional distress. I feel like I need to fix it for them. What is even more difficult for me is when someone communicates to me that I’m the reason for their distress. That has made me vulnerable to narcissistic people taking advantage of me and convincing me that I was responsible for keeping them happy. I’ve since learned that people are responsible for their own emotional state. I’ve discovered the benefit of boundaries and limitations. At first, it felt really selfish not to try to fix other people. Now I see how it creates healthier friendships.

2. I need this person.

I once had a friend who was there for me when my husband was emotionally distant and always working. She met a need for me that my husband wasn’t meeting, and it left me feeling like I needed her. When you’re only using a friend to meet a need that isn’t actually hers to meet, the relationship isn’t healthy. It’s toxic. Yes, I needed companionship and emotional intimacy—but I didn’t need it from her. I needed it from my husband.

3. I’ll be alone if I end this friendship.

Fearing loneliness, I’ve maintained toxic friendships that felt one-sided, demanding, and manipulative. What I didn’t realize was that I needed to end those friendships to make room for life-giving friendships to form. Sometimes having difficult friendships seems better than having no one at all. But in reality, toxic friendships create loneliness because we aren’t able to have authentic connections. I have found that feeling emotionally safe in friendships enables me to be more open and receptive to giving and receiving from them.

4. I am obligated to stay in this friendship.

I had a friend who was there for me when my daughter died. She went above and beyond to help me through that experience. However, a couple years later, I realized she also twisted reality and caused me to question things about myself as a means to protect herself. Whenever I was around her, I felt bad about myself and lacked confidence. Because she was there for me during a difficult time, I felt I had to stay in the friendship forever. But that isn’t true. You don’t owe a toxic person access to you just because she wasn’t always toxic.

5. I have to lose myself to have friends.

Describing myself as a chameleon, I once believed that I was a good friend because I could morph into what other people needed me to be. I could be the fun friend, the sporty friend, the commiserating friend, or the gossiping friend, depending on what the other person needed. No wonder people wanted me to be around; I was their ideal friend. It wasn’t until later that I discovered I had no idea who I was on my own. I had lost myself in order to have friends, but those women would never know the real me. Because I feared rejection, I hid far too often. The truth is that good friends know who you are and love you—and that’s not possible until you’re being yourself.

Do you recognize other beliefs keeping you trapped in toxic friendships?

The post 5 Beliefs Keeping You Trapped in Dysfunctional Friendships appeared first on iMOM.

The opposite of joining forces with your mom friends is the reality a lot of us are living. We feel a constant competition out of fear that the way we’re raising our kids might not be the “right” way. But when my kids are grown and I look back, I want to see an army of moms I went to battle with, not a scattering of camps with lone soldiers. How about you? Start with these 5 easy things moms should do more often to help each other out.

1. Tell her she’s got a good kid.

One of my sons has a friend who is just the sweetest. This might sound corny, but the words that come to mind are “good citizen.” He’s polite and thoughtful. One day I witnessed him bend down to pick up trash. What kid does that? I made a mental note to text his mom to tell her how great he is.

Think about how it feels for another mom to tell you your child was a pleasure to have over or that he used good manners on the class field trip. You can never get enough of that, so be the one who uses words to encourage others. This is especially true of the kid who isn’t normally well-behaved. His mom probably needs to hear the compliment more than anyone.

2. Let her shine.

Do you have any one-uppers in your life? Those are the people who, no matter what news you have to share, can do one better. One-upping comes from a place of insecurity and does nothing to help build the mom community around you.

Some of us don’t feel the need to one-up, but we do feel compelled to chime in with our own experiences and can unintentionally steal another’s thunder. So when a mom posts on Facebook that her kids got her the best birthday present, hold off on listing what great gifts your kids got you last year. Just wish her a happy birthday and let her shine.

3. Think like a community.

My older son had one of those marathon days. Immediately after school, he had track practice and then youth group with just one hour between the two. I was texting with other moms whose boys were in the same boat and said, “Let’s consolidate our efforts. Venmo me money for Chick-fil-A. I’ll bring it to school after track and the boys can sit outside and eat while they do homework before youth group.” Then another mom drove my son home.

It’s not always that simple, but thinking more like a cooperative community is definitely one of the things moms should do more often. Offering help is a simple way to lighten the load we’re all feeling.

4. Give her a pass.

I totally bailed on a party back at Christmas time. I didn’t have a specific excuse. I was just tired and overextended. Two days out I texted the group saying there was just too much on my plate and I was sorry that I wasn’t going to make it.

Sometimes we drop the ball. Sometimes we just can’t do the thing. And sometimes we make a misstep. A simple “I get it” or “I’ve been there” goes a long way to help a mom feel less alone or guilty.

5. Ask her for advice.

Recently a friend asked for my advice on starting a podcast. I’m not an expert, but I had experiences to draw from. It made me feel appreciated and respected. Imagine how much confidence it would give a friend if you asked her for advice on a parenting topic.

“What do you think I should do about my daughter and the lying?” or “My kids fight constantly. What do you do to help yours get along?” Even if she says she doesn’t have good advice to give, asking her will grow your friendship and make her feel like she’s got something to say about this job we’re all working so hard at.

What’s another thing moms should do more often to encourage one another?

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