“Gwandaddy, you wanna snuggle and look at the twain book together?” my oldest daughter asked my father-in-law. “Of course,” he answered with a smile while opening up an Emerson-size crook in his arm. They spent the next 20 minutes reading and pretending to eat the candy painted on one of the train cars in the book. At 18 years old, Emmy still remembers those moments with him, and so do I.
By developing strong relationships with grandparents, children profit well into adulthood, especially in their mental well-being, according to Boston College research. However, moms benefit as well. Additional research shows that having healthy grandparents around supports a mother’s mental health. To lean into the importance of grandparents in children’s lives, here are 10 ideas to actively involve them in your kids’ upbringing.
Ideas if Grandparents Live Close
1. Schedule regular visits. – This may seem obvious, but sometimes highlighting the importance of grandparents in children’s lives means texting (or calling) and inviting them over. Some moms find this especially true for their in-laws or step-parents.
2. Host family movie night with family movies. – Ask grandparents to come over and bring old videos to watch. Hearing and seeing stories about her family history gives your child a deeper understanding of her roots and cultural identity. This fosters a sense of belonging, which can be incredibly important during adolescence.
3. Encourage “Well, when I was a kid…” stories. – Remember when concert tickets cost $30 and you stood in line at a record store to buy them? Remember record stores?
Eventually, these will be stories grandparents tell instead of Beatlemania, the Vietnam War, and walking uphill in the snow both ways to get to and home from school. Get the yarns spinning with the When I Was a Kid Conversation Starters.
4. Pass on the skills. – My oldest daughter learned how to sew using my machine. I didn’t teach her, though. This mom can’t even thread the needle properly, but my mother-in-law can! So, Gargar taught Emerson all of the basics. And, in turn, Emerson showed her how Skype–and, later, FaceTime–works. Your child’s grandparents know a thing or two, too. Maybe it’s how to change out the oil in a car, bake a red velvet cake, or how to speak Spanish.
5. Promote one-on-one time. – You already know the importance of spending one-on-one time with your child. The same ideas for parent-child date nights (or days) work for grandparents, too. Start low-key and adjust based on your child and family situation. For example, if your toddler experiences separation anxiety, meet up with a grandparent at the donut shop and sit at a nearby table.
Ideas if Grandparents Live Farther Away
6. Have family dinner night via Zoom. – We started this tradition during the COVID years when my husband’s 84-year-old mother couldn’t come visit. Now, she always attends birthdays, Easter brunch, and pre-scheduled dinners with us. We even give her a seat at the table where we place the screen. The same idea can work if your family dinner night looks more like grabbing a bite in the car before practice. Just make good use of the phone holder!
7. Host a good old-fashioned family reunion. – Reunions aren’t just for high schools. Bring the whole family together by planning a yearly or biannual multigeneration gathering. Your child will get grandparent time and time with uncles, aunts, and cousins, too!
8. Increase the screen time. – Yep. You read that correctly. Not all screen time is created equal. In addition to the family dinner night above, use technology to bridge the distance in other ways. Set up a family group chat. Do a Friday Family Check-In each week. Tweens and teens especially use their phones to stay connected with their friends, so why not extend the conversation to include grandparents?
9. Become classic pen pals. – Go old school with cards, hand-drawn pictures, or little notes scribbled on an index card. Several times a year, our daughters’ great-grandmother would send a $2 bill as a special treat. It’s still a cherished memory.
10. Share the livestream for your kid’s events. – Many schools, venues, and events offer livestream options. For example, our oldest daughter is a competitive dancer. All of her competitions offer livestreams. We share the link with her grandparents so they can tune in. However, if your kids’ events don’t, FaceTime during key moments, like when your son gets up to bat or your daughter’s robotics team goes to battle!
Can you share a specific memory or experience in your life that highlights the importance of grandparents in children’s lives?
