My family was enjoying an outdoor craft fair near a busy intersection. As I looked at some artwork, something caught my toddler’s attention, and she darted toward the busy street. I bolted, grabbed her arm, and pulled her away from the road. She was startled and began to cry. I squatted down, hugged her, and explained that running in the road is dangerous. I told her I love her and never to do that again. A stranger saw the whole thing happen and shared his concern, too. “You grabbed her arm too forcefully,” he critiqued. “You needed to know that.”
Truthfully, I don’t remember how much force I used to grab my daughter’s arm. All I remember is wanting to make sure she didn’t get hit by a car. It’s important to know how to deal with criticism, but given what could have happened had I not intervened, should I care about that nosy stranger’s opinion? Not a chance. But did I? Yeah. For a few minutes, I couldn’t shake his sharp words. But I shouldn’t have let it bother me. Sometimes criticism is worth taking. Other times, it isn’t. Here are 3 types of people whose criticism shouldn’t have power.
1. Biased Critics
When a friend decided not to allow her six-foot-three 14-year-old son to play football, the coach called her decision foolish. She didn’t feel good about her son playing and was going with her gut. The criticism from the coach was from a place of self-interest.
If you are met with criticism from someone who would directly benefit from your failure, don’t give their words much weight. Biased critics wear self-colored glasses. Their slant on life blinds them. Take this into account when deciding how to deal with criticism. You can let their opposition cripple you, or you can recognize that you are catching heat because their vision is skewed.
2. Disrespectful Critics
Even if we disagree, we should extend respect to people as a baseline courtesy. That being said, I had a boss I struggled to respect. He routinely spoke poorly about women and cursed in front of me and my coworkers. He’d yell about small mistakes or missteps and because of his demeanor, the feedback he gave was difficult to take seriously. As much as I tried to separate personal from professional, I couldn’t. An opinion becomes less relevant if the person giving it puts you down, lies, cheats, or steals.
3. Unqualified Critics
I’ve never cooked dinner for Wolfgang Puck, but I would definitely welcome his criticism of my meatloaf over my vegan neighbor’s. Puck has the credentials to critique a meal. He’s one of the most famous and well-respected chefs on the planet, so I should want to hear what he has to say. My leaf-eating neighbor? Not so much. Consider if the source has any knowledge of your subject when fielding criticism. You’ll save yourself from trying to please everyone, and it’ll help you learn how to deal with criticism.
A Particularly Tricky Critic
One critic many women struggle with is the one in their heads. You should be able to trust your voice, but sometimes it’s a perfectionist or there’s a history of abuse that has skewed your perception. If you hear your voice nagging at you that you’re not doing enough, you’re not good enough, or you’re falling short in some other way, here are some words of wisdom.
When does criticism impact your decision-making most?
