My dad, my daughter, and I were driving home from a volleyball tournament on a picture-perfect Saturday afternoon, with bellies full of custom-made Mellow Mushroom pizza—my very favorite. My husband, Phil, and I had a double date planned for that evening, and it was shaping up to be my ideal kind of day. Cruising along I-275, I turned down the radio to answer my husband’s incoming call on Bluetooth. The three of us froze when he muttered “come to the house” and hung up. I tried calling him right back, but he sent it straight to voicemail. I asked my daughter to try again, and my breathless husband answered the call, saying, “I cut my arm with a chainsaw. It’s bad. Come to the house.”
Life threw my crisis-free reality a real curveball that day, and our stability was immediately tested. But as quickly as I was thrown into crisis mode, I just as quickly saw all the ways our community jumped in to help. Be it injury, death, sickness, job loss, or anything in between, here are 4 ways to help someone in crisis.
1. Show up.
My college roommate had a terminally ill daughter who passed away when she was 5 years old. I couldn’t even begin to comprehend her grief, and I didn’t know the best way to help, but I knew that I wanted to support her. I flew from Florida to Chicago on a blustery January weekend to attend Eden’s funeral and spend just a few minutes with Sara. Showing up felt like the best way to care for my friend at that time.
If it’s possible, be wherever your friend needs to see a supportive face. Even if you have a busy schedule, you’ll rarely regret “showing up” for a friend in crisis.
2. Contribute.
You don’t need to live close by or make a grand gesture to help someone in crisis. Send a card, have cookies delivered, or email a DoorDash gift card. With today’s technology and delivery services, the sky’s the limit. One of Phil’s co-workers organized a meal train while another left cupcakes on his desk, and he was humbled by every gesture.
Saying “let me know if there’s anything I can do to help” isn’t very helpful. I never understood that until I was in the midst of our crisis. Pause and think about what would be most meaningful to you in a time of need, and then find a way to do that for your friend.
3. Give options.
In the weeks following Phil’s accident, I had a hard time making decisions. My kids would’ve survived on PopTarts and cereal had it not been for our community that took action. When my friends narrowed my choices down by offering specific options, I had an easier time deciding. Beef or pork from BubbaQues? Stuffed shells dropped off for lunch or dinner? Help with picking up kids from school on Tuesday or Wednesday? Those felt like easy decisions, and they produced very helpful outcomes.
I would’ve never reached out to ask for help with meals, school pick-ups, hurricane prep, or a refill of my favorite coffee creamer, and it’s likely your friends won’t ask either. However, when given options, I never said no—and that was an invaluable gift at a time when I didn’t even know how to articulate what I needed.
4. Check in early and often.
My friend Sarah checked in with me right before Phil was taken back to surgery. She then drove over to the hospital to sit with me during the most intense four hours of my married life, and she became my first responder in the weeks that followed.
Being far away from a friend who is experiencing a crisis doesn’t mean you’re unable to provide support. Phil’s college buddy, Micah, lives 1,300 miles away from us—but he intentionally touched base at least once a week. Don’t assume your friend is flooded with support, and don’t be offended if you don’t get a response. Trust that every check-in is meaningful.
How do you feel most cared for in times of crisis?
