Well, guess what—it’s not! Even though mommy brain might leave us feeling out of sorts at times, research continues to pile up about the positive ways women’s brains adapt to pregnancy and post-pregnancy. And, Mom, you’ll be reassured to learn these changes serve a powerful purpose in your parenting. Forget what you think you know about your mommy brain, and embrace these 3 ways to love it instead.

1. Admit it’s all in your head (and it’s amazing!).

The plasticity of women’s brains during pregnancy is similar to during adolescence. Mommy brain, pregnancy brain, baby brain, momnesia are non-medical terms used to describe the cognitive changes a woman goes through during and after pregnancy. Your brain is literally reorganizing its structure, functions, and neural connections to accommodate for your new role!  

“It’s time to reduce focus on what is lost with motherhood and start paying attention to what is gained and how it is gained,” neuroscientist Dr. Clare McCormack explained on The Current radio program. “So changing that perspective is a really powerful thing, when you shift that focus and your thinking of pregnancy and adapting to parenthood as something that involves a lot of skill, something to wonder at.”

2. Lean into your upgraded abilities. 

Between 50 and 80% of pregnant and postpartum women report experiencing cognitive changes. We often focus on the forgetfulness, memory loss, and brain fog side of things. But we overlook the powerful ways our brains have adjusted to maximize our caregiving abilities. For example, research published in Brain Sci shows that changes in the gray matter of a mother’s brain are linked to increased feelings of attachment toward her baby. (But, Mom, this doesn’t mean you’ll automatically feel attached to your baby. Sometimes it does take time.)

And, you’ve probably been too busy with motherhood to read the recent research from Purdue University showing that moms have more heightened attention than non-moms. Lead researcher Dr. Valerie Tucker Miller wasn’t surprised by the results. “It makes perfect sense that moms who have brought children into this world have more stimuli that needs to be processed to keep themselves and other humans alive, and then to continue with all the other tasks that were required before the children,” she explains.

So, now the next time you wake up because of the tiniest of sounds from your toddler (and your husband doesn’t), know it’s just your new brain powers. And, Mom, give yourself a high five for distinguishing your child’s cry from every other kid’s. That’s just another one of your mommy brain upgrades.

3. Laugh about it. 

We just can’t help it. Mommy brain causes us to do all sorts of funny things. Toothpaste on your hairbrush? Been there. Put on two different shoes and wear them most of the morning before noticing? Done that. Mixing up all the names of your family? Happened today. 

Mom, we can’t take ourselves too seriously. Being a parent is hard enough. We can ease our mom stress by finding the humor in our unintentional antics. It is funny. And you really will laugh about it one day, so why not make that day today? The next time you find yourself trying to open the car door with the toy keys, give yourself permission to laugh it off (and then try and remember where you put the real keys). 

What is the funniest thing you found yourself doing or saying because of mommy brain?

The post 3 Ways to Embrace Mommy Brain and Love It Instead! appeared first on iMOM.

I ended up telling her I go through phases. Some days, all the sources of parental anxiety (It’s more than just separation.) linger in the background, and some days I’m texting friends to pray for my kids because I have a terrible feeling I can’t shake. Life as a mom doesn’t have to be like this. If you’re unsure if your feelings are normal, here are symptoms of parental anxiety and strategies to free yourself from it.

Is it worry or anxiety?

Most people worry a little. But according to researchers at Healthline, there are a handful of differences between worry and anxiety. A few stand out to me. Worry is caused by real events, and anxiety is created by the mind. Worry keeps perspective. Anxiety tends to catastrophize. Worry can be managed while anxiety can be debilitating.

What are you dealing with right now? Zoom out and ask yourself, has something specific happened with my child, or am I inventing a scenario? If something specific has happened, am I writing a scarier story than what’s real? Can I take my thoughts and think of a next step, or are the thoughts paralyzing me?

Do you experience these symptoms of parental anxiety?

One sign of anxiety is the inclination to move a situation from possible to probable. To earn a badge for scouts, my son had to fall out of and climb back into a canoe in the middle of a lake. We live in Florida, so there’s always a possibility of gators. Anxiety would’ve caused me to pull him from the campout, convinced of the probability he’d encounter a gator. (Anxiety didn’t win. He earned his badge!) When you convince yourself something is probable and exhibit shielding or avoidance behaviors, that’s a sign the anxiety is getting the best of you.

Another symptom of parental anxiety we’re all at least moderately familiar with is excessive research. I mean, if you haven’t used WebMD to investigate a red mark on your child’s belly and convinced yourself she has a flesh-eating bacteria, are you really a parent? It’s one thing to investigate a legitimate concern. It’s another to overthink, overanalyze, and go into decision paralysis.

One familiar sign of anxiety is that it preoccupies you and keeps you from functioning. Being a mom should change your life, but it shouldn’t keep you from living it. If thoughts are so consuming that you can’t work, sleep, eat, or give attention to other relationships, it’s time to ask for help.

Try these strategies to manage parental anxiety.

Sometimes, I think I have to accept that I have anxiety. I’ve made it this far, and it hasn’t killed me yet! As tempting as it might be to just live with it, there’s a compelling reason we should actually take steps to manage our parental anxiety. Studies show children of anxious parents are five to seven times more likely to develop anxiety disorders than those of non-anxious parents. I don’t want to pass this on to my kids, so here are a few things I’m working on.

First, I pray. I know God doesn’t want me to worry or be anxious, so I ask for peace. I also talk to a therapist. Yes, it costs money, but it’s worth it. She’s given me breathing techniques to use when I’m spiraling and encouraged me to acknowledge what’s difficult instead of denying it. Saying things like “Raising kids is hard, so worry is understandable!” takes away some of the fear’s power. I’ve also found comfort in sharing my thoughts with other moms. Anxiety is isolating. You think you’re the only one who is losing control of her thoughts, but that’s just not true.

And don’t forget to include the kids.

One last idea that can relieve anxiety and help your kids feel stronger: Give them tools and knowledge. Before I taught my kids to swim, I was a maniac about arming the alarms on the doors leading out to our pool, latching the pool fence, and guarding the steps leading into the water. Swim lessons helped bring that anxiety down a few notches. What gives you the most anxiety, and how can you empower your kids? Discovering the answer to those questions can lead you and your kids to greater peace.

Listen to the iMOM Podcast episode, “The Sky is Falling: How to Avoid Parenting Out of Fear.” Susan and Megan tell the story of their near-death experience on a small airplane. Subscribe to get new episodes every Monday.

What gives you the most parental anxiety? What could you do to empower your child in this area?

The post Parental Anxiety: Is This Normal? appeared first on iMOM.

Croup gave me my first (but not last) glimpse of mom burnout. Or, to be more precise, back-to-back-to-back bouts of croup with our youngest left me exhausted, overwhelmed, and emotionally drained. During certain times as moms, we can feel like we’ve nothing left to give. If you struggle with mom burnout, try applying these 12 lessons picked up during the toddler years.

1. Slow down.

You can’t go anywhere fast with toddlers. The walk to your car, which should take two minutes, suddenly stretches to 10. And getting buckled up adds another 15 minutes. Toddlers like to take things slow, and maybe you could, too, every once in a while. What’s the rush?

2. Take a nap.

During the toddler stage, you learn firsthand that toddlers handle the afternoon much better after a nap. A child’s body needs physical rest, and so does yours. Embrace the mom nap! The world won’t end if you do it. I promise. 

3. Snuggle with a blankie.

Our youngest loved to rub her blankie’s smooth, cool silk back and forth on her cheek while she fell asleep. Snuggling with “pinky” soothed her senses and calmed her thoughts. When you feel zapped at the end of the day, wrap up in a cozy blankie to recover.  It’s scientifically proven to help.

4. Wear comfy clothes.

Left to their own devices, many toddlers will dress like it’s Thanksgiving—stretchy pants with lots of give and a colorful shirt that hides stains. It doesn’t matter if the outfit matches. Toddlers just wear what makes them feel good. When you’re feeling the impact of mom burnout, opt to do the same.  

5. Dance and sing.

Toddlers love a good dance party with a side of karaoke. Singing out loud and dancing releases endorphins, which decrease stress and anxiety. One research study even showed that dance helps people positively cope with anxiety and depression.

6. Never say no to Play-Doh.

Somewhere between toddlerhood and adulthood, we’ve forgotten how much joy we can receive by doing something artsy. We think that since we’re “not good at it,” then what’s the point? Well, the point is that art activities reduce stress and give your emotions a creative outlet.

7. Let yourself cry.

Toddlers feel big emotions and express them in, well, big ways. They don’t know how to suppress their feelings. Crying is a coping mechanism that flushes out stress hormones and releases chemicals to ease physical and emotional pain. So, while there’s no cryin’ in baseball, no one said there’s no cryin’ in mommyhood.

8. Go for the hug.

When a toddler gets a boo-boo, a hug from Mom soothes the pain. If that hug lasts for at least 20 seconds, the body releases the “cuddle hormone,” also known as oxytocin, which calms and relaxes the central nervous system. So, hug your spouse, your child, or even your dog. You’ll feel better.

9. Play with your friends.

Toddlers know it feels good to hang out and play with friends. You explore new places. Share toys. Act silly. Maybe even get some ice cream. It’s just fun to be around other people who like to be around you, too.  

10. Take a break from playing with friends.

Playing with friends can be great until it becomes just too much. Sharing, taking turns, and being kind takes a lot out of a toddler—and out of adults. That’s a good time to step away for some downtime to recharge.

11. Notice the little things.

If it’s small and within a toddler’s line of sight, he’ll point it out—the ladybug on the blade of grass or the single LEGO brick under the couch. Being acutely aware of the little things in your surroundings focuses your attention on the present moment and gives your brain a break from anxious thoughts. This mindfulness practice helps with mom burnout. 

12. Get outside.

Fresh air goes a long way to lift a mood. Step outside and look up. Do you see that narwhal cloud next to the pirate ship? Why does the sky look so blue this time of year? Being outside leads you to think about something bigger than yourself and your problems. It’s good for the soul.

If you feel like you’re struggling with more than mom burnout and want to speak to a licensed professional counselor, you can find one here.

What life lesson have you learned from a toddler?

The post How to Alleviate Mom Burnout by Living Like a Toddler appeared first on iMOM.

It’s estimated that more than 60% of people experience some form of post-holiday blues, typically in the form of depression or anxiety, because of stress, memories, or unmet expectations. If you struggle a little through the end of December and into January, I’m right there with you. Here are 7 ideas we can use to beat the blues and feel more joy in the new year.

1. Keep the festivities going.

No need to pull the plug on Christmas right away. If you love the sounds, sights, and smells, leave the decorations up a little longer. In my house, we don’t take the tree down until after January 6th. We celebrate the Epiphany, when the wise men brought gifts to the baby Jesus. Fun fact: The 12 days between Christmas and January 6th are the OG 12 days of Christmas (before that partridge in a pear tree got so popular).

2. Call a friend or relative you didn’t get to see.

For some people, the post-holiday blues well up because they love the feeling of connection with family and friends and will miss it. Fill that bucket by FaceTiming with an old friend you haven’t seen in a while or reaching out to your favorite cousin across the country.

3. Rest.

You’ve been go-go-going since November 20th. Even if you love baking, caroling, decorating, and wrapping, you’re probably exhausted. Find something that allows your mind and body to rest. I always do a jigsaw puzzle the week between Christmas and New Year’s Eve. Knowing I’ll have puzzle time to decompress gives me peace.

4. Feel your sadness.

Our culture doesn’t like feelings of unhappiness or discontent. Sadness gets written off as a problem you occasionally have to deal with. The reality is sadness can be helpful. Feeling sad can reveal what’s really important to you and help you grow in appreciation for what you have. When you feel the blues, ask what good things happened that you’re going to miss and consider how you can recreate them throughout the year. Maybe you start a monthly dinner with family that lives close by or bake cookies with the kids more often.

5. Tackle something that brings stress during the year.

You might feel crummy because you anticipate returning to work and school. Think of one stressor that work or school brings and what you can do to try to get ahead of it. Do you dread packing lunches? Search with the kids for a couple of meal prep ideas so you can make lunch just once each week. Are you dreading sitting in rush hour traffic every day? Make a plan to listen to a book a week during your drive, or find a podcast that will help you grow in your faith.

6. Set a monthly challenge or goal.

Are your post-holiday blues triggered by a lack of something to look forward to? I love having something other than the holidays that mark each month. Try brainstorming ways to challenge or set goals for yourself or your family throughout the year.

One month could be “explore our city,” another could be “learn how to crochet,” and another could be “read a devotional nightly before bed.” Having something new and challenging to look forward to each month can keep things fresh. And the brainstorming session could be a fun annual activity to wrap up the year together as a family.

7. Think ahead to next year.

Give “future you” a gift by writing yourself a letter. You can even address it: “To me. Open on November 1.” Stash it with your holiday decorations so you know you’ll see it. In this letter, write what brought you the most joy this season and what you wish you’d avoided. Tell yourself how you feel about the money you spent (maybe you give yourself an “attagirl” because you followed a budget) or how you wish you’d drank a little less alcohol or gotten just a bit more sleep.

Processing the season that’s passed will help you name what’s making you sad now and hopefully set you up for a healthier holiday next year.

If the post-holiday blues really get to you, listen to this episode of the iMOM Podcast, “Beating the Post-Christmas Blues.” Subscribe to the podcast to get new episodes every Monday.

What helps you get over the post-holiday blues?

The post 7 Ways Moms Can Beat the Post-Holiday Blues appeared first on iMOM.

Maybe you think I sound pathetic. Or maybe you can relate? To some degree, I think I had parental separation anxiety, especially when my kids were little. Do you think it affects you too? Here are 5 causes of parental separation anxiety and how you can learn to cope better.

1. Loneliness

When the time came for my daughter to start preschool, I second-guessed my own readiness. She’d been my little buddy at my side for years. And without her, I felt like I was missing a part of myself. Staying busy helped. If we have something scheduled while our kids are gone, it can ease the loneliness and help us feel more in control.

Wendy Mogel, Ph.D. writes that loneliness in marriage could also contribute to parental separation anxiety. She says we might rely on our kids’ company too much if our husbands work long hours or are absent emotionally. What’s contributing to your loneliness?

2. Uncertainty in Your Role

Have your dropped off your child and then driven home, wondering what your role was now that your child doesn’t need you all day? I have. I think a lot of moms go through this transition period where we feel momentarily lost, like driving through a new town with no GPS.

Moms who have separation anxiety tend to excessively worry and might be guilty of catastrophic thinking, according to licensed professional counselor Jerimya Fox. They may also have high levels of depression or anger and exhibit physical symptoms such as headaches, nausea, and stomachaches. But if your feelings are manageable, you might just have some growing pains during this new stage of life. Talking to a fellow mom or someone else you trust could help relieve the symptoms.

3. Life Changes

My friend Katya’s son transferred to a new school after she and her husband divorced. She said it was hard leaving her son at the new school, and she drove the entire way to work in tears. Fox says significant life changes such as divorce, the death of a loved one, and even a global health crisis like the pandemic all contribute to the risk of parental separation anxiety.

If you’ve moved recently and haven’t yet found a circle of friends, you might also have more sadness when saying goodbye to your child. Try to find a church community or resources for moms at the public library that could offer support. You don’t have to go through this alone!

4. Being a Single Mom

Feeling low right before your child leaves for his dad’s or an hour or two afterward is normal. Parental separation anxiety can be painful whether you’re worrying about your child’s well-being or just dealing with feelings of being on your own in an empty house.

Is there a sweet routine you could incorporate to help with goodbyes? Cuddling on the couch or playing a board game right before your child leaves could ease the transition for both of you. And while she’s gone, it could be helpful to receive photos or texts. Talk to your ex about seeing if this is possible. It might make you feel better knowing you’re able to communicate with your child or see what she’s up to.

5. Worry for Her Well-Being

When my food-allergic daughter started preschool for a few hours a week, I had anxiety about her safety. If your child has a health concern of any kind, leaving her in the care of someone else can be nerve-wracking. What helped ease my separation anxiety was educating teachers to recognize and respond to symptoms of an allergic reaction. I also taught my child how to advocate for herself from a young age. Knowing she could take care of herself eased my nerves and made our time apart a bit easier.

Have you experienced parental separation anxiety?

The post Do You Suffer From Parental Separation Anxiety? appeared first on iMOM.

After several days of impulsiveness, I had a moment of clarity and Googled “midlife crisis” and “how to deal with a midlife crisis.” That’s when I realized I was having one—even though I kind of thought they were reserved for men. Is there any chance you can relate? Not every crazy whim means you’re having a midlife crisis, and not every midlife crisis happens for the same reason. Here are the signs you’re having one, what to do about it, and why it’s not always a crisis.

What are the signs?

For me, it was a general feeling of restlessness paired with either unpredictable impulsivity or overwhelming sluggishness—oftentimes swinging from one extreme to the other within the same day. While restlessness along with irritability, indecisiveness, and loneliness are very common feelings associated with a midlife crisis, according to Forbes Health, there are also many physical shifts you may experience: weight gain, weight loss, poor sleep, unusual or frequent headaches, withdrawal from normal activities, or the urge to do something big or unexpected.

What are the causes?

More so than ever before, women are wearing multiple hats. While busyness is certainly a marker of women today, so is a growing desire for self-awareness. Many of us in our 40s and 50s are in survival mode, but we’re also acknowledging that we don’t want that to become our default setting.

A midlife crisis isn’t a one-size-fits-all experience, and it’s not a linear or guaranteed path for all women. It can come on suddenly or creep up slowly, but it almost always coincides with a season of change or transition. After 14 fast-paced years of being a stay-at-home mom, my midlife crisis started after all my kids were in school full-time. Their increased independence left me floundering and searching for renewed purpose.

This midlife shift might also happen when you become an empty-nester, change jobs, wade through financial insecurities, manage the pressures (and comparison traps) of social media, or lose a loved one. Sometimes the onset of a new season is when you begin to digest that you can’t control everything.

What can I do about it?

Searching homes on Zillow and sketching tattoo ideas distracted me for short bursts of time, but I found that talking about it was my first step in moving through it. After weeks of holding it in quietly, I spilled my guts with a few trusted people. They asked questions I hadn’t yet asked myself: What are your specific goals? Have you prayed about it? How can I support you?

Carl Jung encourages us to reframe a midlife crisis as “the afternoon of life.” It might be the perfect time to examine your priorities and embrace the chapter ahead. A midlife crisis is a season that doesn’t end cleanly or distinctly, but reframing it as a season of growth, renewal, and refreshed purpose can reduce the feelings of “crisis.”

How do you manage feelings of discomfort or restlessness?

The post Yikes! Am I Going Through a Midlife Crisis? appeared first on iMOM.

And his comment made me wonder… Was dieting in front of my kids causing them to look at others negatively, or maybe even themselves? Should moms diet in front of their kids? Or should they diet in secret—or at all? Before we can expect to answer those outwardly directed questions, moms need to ask themselves 3 questions that point inward.

1. What is your goal in starting a diet?

You might have many reasons for starting a specific plan for the way you eat. Perhaps the doctor ordered it, you don’t have the energy you used to have, or you just don’t like that your jeans aren’t fitting anymore. Ask yourself this: Is your main goal health-focused or appearance-focused? Don’t be ashamed if you say “appearance.” Appearance-based media is in your face almost everywhere you go. But when that becomes our driving force, we can sometimes use unhealthy eating habits to achieve our goals. Our children see this and think, “The goal is to be thin, no matter how I eat or exercise or feel.”

What would it look like to shift to a health-focused goal? How would our mindsets change if we were trying to strengthen our bodies, sleep better, or have more endurance? Our children would see this too, and they’d think, “The goal is to be healthy. My mom takes care of her body, and she feels good.” This is the mindset we want our children to adopt, too.

2. How are my eating habits affecting me overall?

Sometimes we change our eating habits without paying attention to anything other than the numbers on the scale. But a change in the way we eat can make us lose weight while feeling worse. I remember being two weeks into a low-calorie diet once, and I was feeling so tired and hungry that I was snapping at everyone—even the dog. And when we’re “hangry,” the saying “if Mom’s not happy, no one’s happy” couldn’t be truer. So take note of the way your eating habits affect you because often, Mom’s the emotional leader of the family.

A change in diet doesn’t just affect your mood. A friend told me that when she tried intermittent fasting, she was opposed to putting even a taste of food into her mouth before noon. She had to tell her son she wouldn’t try a lick of the smoothie he’d made. When her son said, “Just a dab?” and she still declined, his proud smile sank. She wondered what the cost was of her strict diet.

This topic is so important we took it to the iMOM Podcast for a conversation. Listen to the episode, Should I Diet in Front of My Kids, and subscribe to get new episodes every Monday.

3. How am I talking about myself and my appearance?

Even though I know I shouldn’t insult myself, especially in front of my kids, it’s slipped out a couple of times. Once, my youngest daughter was in my bedroom when I was getting ready, and my husband said, “Why don’t you wear that blue shirt? I love that shirt on you.” I replied, “No way. I’d have to lose about 15 pounds to pull that off.” You never know which comment will settle in their minds and take root. How we talk about our bodies directly affects the way our kids think and talk about their bodies. If you catch yourself saying negative things, stop and think about it. Is there some internal work you need to do to treat yourself with more kindness and acceptance?

When you do make changes to your eating habits that are health-focused, talk to your kids about a “way of eating healthier” rather than dieting as a way of fixing something you don’t like about your appearance. Encourage talk about how the body is functional, not ornamental. Talk to your kids about how you’re proud of what your body can do, not how it looks. And whenever you have a chance, keep acceptance and uniqueness at the forefront. I often say to my kids, “God makes us in all shapes and sizes. It would be pretty boring if He didn’t.”

What do you think is important for moms to keep in mind when changing their eating habits?

The post Should I Diet in Front of My Kids? appeared first on iMOM.

Quiet quitting isn’t new, but it was officially named in March of 2022, and a lot of people are doing it. Is that a sign of people who are worn and weary, or is it a shift in our boundaries and priorities? Regardless of our motivations, it’s worth examining if we find ourselves quietly quitting in any of these 5 other areas of life—and why.

1. Parenting

I don’t know a mother who hasn’t felt burnt out by the monotonous demands of laundry, meals, discipline, homework, or car line. We’ve likely all experienced the truth of the saying “the days are long, but the years are short,” and sometimes it feels like we’re stuck in an endless loop.

It’s not the end of the world if you’re quiet quitting a parenting task here and there, like buying the cupcakes instead of baking them in your kitchen, having a FFY (Fend For Yourself) dinner—something we do almost every Sunday evening and my kids have come to love—or letting the kids have an extra hour of screen time so you can catch your breath. But, if you find that survival mode is your only mode, it might be time to talk to someone like a trusted friend, sister, or therapist who can help you refresh your pace and priorities.

2. Friendships

The calendar on our fridge is packed with commitments; but everyone in my family knows that MNO stands for “Moms’ Night Out,” and that’s one of my favorite nights of the month. Without intentionally prioritizing friendships, that can easily become something that starts to slip. If you sense you’re pulling back, or doing the bare minimum in certain friendships, consider if it’s time to close the door on that friendship. But if you’re feeling disconnected because you’ve unintentionally quietly quit, then reach out to one of your rooted friends. Initiate a phone date, walk date, coffee date, or MNO.

3. Marriage

I used to make elaborate lunches for my husband to bring to work: main, side, salty, sweet, and a love note on top. After having our first baby, I didn’t have the bandwidth to maintain that. Now, after several years of marriage, I send him off with a cheese stick and a bag of mixed nuts. Never once has my husband asked me to make his lunches, and there have been many days he’s left the house empty-handed, but quiet quitting in this trivial area was a way for me to maintain some balance.

In the significant areas, however, it’s important to keep the spark alive with date nights, open communication, and purposeful connections. Complacency in marriage is a dangerous resting place, and it’s worth every effort to avoid quiet quitting in the big marriage areas.

4. Home

I remember feeling like a real grown-up when I bought my first house. I started making my bed every morning, meticulously wiping down kitchen counters, stocking up on toilet paper, and really learning how to care for a home. Twenty years later, the honeymoon phase of homeownership has ended.

Quiet quitting around the house might result in using paper plates to avoid dishes, a yard overgrown with weeds, or repeatedly skipping grocery shopping and grabbing fast food. While that’s not sustainable in the long run, give yourself some grace from time to time. Do a quick sweep of the floors rather than a full-blown scrub, wait another day to change the sheets on your bed, and trust that sometimes, it’s more valuable just to get it done rather than to get it done perfectly.

5. Commitments

Do you ever find yourself wanting to want to—but not actually wanting to? There are endless opportunities for moms to serve, commit, and help: homeroom mom, PTA, church, sports teams, school clubs, field trips, carpooling, snack supplier, and the list goes on. We don’t have time for every opportunity, but it’s hard for many women to say no.

Rather than half-heartedly executing these commitments, try building boundaries that protect your time, your family, and your “yes.” If you start feeling resentful, or you dread seeing a particular commitment pop up on your calendar, it might be better to actually quit. We can’t do it all, but this is an area where we can choose whether to step up or step back.

Where do you find yourself quiet quitting? Can you identify why?

The post Are You Quiet Quitting Without Realizing It? appeared first on iMOM.

We may have to pray our stretch marks or hemorrhoids go away, but I’ll gladly take the extra neural activity as a consolation prize. So don’t feel bad putting up your swollen feet to enjoy a book or round of Wordle. Your shiny, new mom brain would probably thank you for it. Here are 5 ways being a mom has made you smarter.

1. You’re better at learning new things.

Being a new mom feels like struggling through an upper-level college course with no prerequisite. It’s super challenging with lots of late nights, but somehow, we do it. We learn to be moms. We get the help we need through friends or books to get the best results we possibly can because another life depends on us. According to journalist Jamie Friedlander Serrano, after the baby is born, there are “increases in some brain areas including the prefrontal cortex, which controls planning, learning and emotional regulation.” And to me, that makes sense. We’re figuring out motherhood, studying another little person and how to care for him. And our brains have rewired themselves to help us do it well.

2. You have a stronger memory.

“Have you seen my phone?” I shouted to my husband. In the next room, I heard him grumble, “Not again.” But since becoming parents, it seemed like I couldn’t remember where I’d placed things. According to Dr. Tirum Gopal, an OBGYN in Philadelphia, forgetfulness postpartum is normal and more likely due to a lack of sleep. Our brains are actually not more sluggish. They’re sharper. “’[Women] have such a high surge of estrogen and progesterone during pregnancy that it sharpens their ability to think and clearly memorize.” I like the sound of that. But in order to benefit from our new mom brains, it sounds like we also need to prioritize sleep.

3. You’re better at recognizing the emotions in others.

“I’m going in,” I growled to my husband, leaping over the air-filled guardrail as the huge inflatable bounce house shifted with the extra weight. “You need to be careful!” I shouted to the big kid about to shove past my son on the inflated ladder. According to Adam Franssen, a biology professor who has done research on the mom brain, “Mothers are able to recognize hostility, disgust, fear or the types of emotions that would trigger some sort of danger to their offspring.” The kid glanced at me but then slowly skirted around my toddler on his way to the top. I exhaled with relief.

4. You’re better equipped to handle stressful situations.

The day my daughter decided to enter the world coincided with a nor’easter hitting the East Coast. Police rerouted us through the city because the main thoroughfare had flooded. Imagine the sky dark and our windshield wipers going full tilt as we bumped over winding, cobblestone streets. By the time we arrived, I was six centimeters dilated! Yet, I felt excited more than anything. The swirling police lights, thunder, and pelting rain added to my exhilaration. Franssen says, “Mothers are less stressed out when you put them in a stress-inducing situation. They don’t show as much fear.” Serrano’s findings concur: “Pregnant women and new moms often are better than nonpregnant women at … riding out stressful events like earthquakes.” Hurricanes too!

5. Your instincts for providing are sharpened.

We sat on a hill at the park, the sun brilliant and hot. I realized then that I’d forgotten my baby’s sippy cup. As she sat, blinking beneath her sunhat, I helped her sip from my water bottle. Her pudgy hands clasped the bottle—her first time without a sippy lid! But hydrating her had been my priority. Franssen’s research indicates that becoming a mother heightens our ability to care for our babies. Maybe it’s the new brain size. “You can actually look and find neurons that are bigger in mothers than in non-mothers,” Franssen says. “There are large differences in the number of neurons that are firing.” Sounds impressive. Maybe the brain’s new functioning ability is another of God’s gifts, giving us a boost when we need it most.

Have you noticed changes to your mom brain as your child has grown? What are they?

The post 5 Ways Being a Mom Makes You Smarter appeared first on iMOM.

She knows just where to poke to make me doubt every inch of progress I make. It’s taken years of self-talk and more than a few downward spirals to learn how to silence her harsh criticism. If you have one too (and let’s be real, most women do), here are 5 ways to quiet your inner mean girl.

1. Give your inner mean girl a name—and then tell her to quiet down!

My inner mean girl, Tabitha, rears her sneaky head randomly. She really likes to appear when I feel like I’m doing great work in my life. Over time, I’ve learned to recognize her voice and shut her down. Bullies, even the ones we carry around in our own minds, don’t like when we stand up to them. Give that harsh voice in your head a name, and when she chimes in, tell her to pipe down.

2. Post personal affirmations everywhere.

Every day, after I’ve pulled on my workout clothes at five in the morning, I take a gander at my full-length mirror. Around it are Post-It notes with things I need to remember about myself. Reminders that I am brave, smart, creative, and enough meet me every time I look in that mirror. Sometimes you need to boost yourself up because your inner mean girl thrives on tearing you down. Whether you stick affirmations on your mirror, in your car, on your phone screen, or on your desk, post them and read them often. The more you see your amazing attributes displayed, the more you’ll believe them.

3. Be gentle with yourself.

As women, we tend to be our own harshest critics. We immediately see the flaws with everything we’ve done, easily forgetting all the awesome things. I will happily point out every mistake I make before I take a sliver of credit for what went right. Be kind to yourself. Remember you are human and you make mistakes. Don’t let the mistakes define you. Instead, use them to get better.

4. Remember who made you.

You are a working masterpiece. I believe every part of you was formed and created by God, who loves you tremendously. You are not a mistake. For so long, I struggled with accepting that I had a purpose, that I was meant to exist. It took years of reminders and leaning into an unconditional love I never had to worry about to finally understand that I was created for a reason. Remembering I was carefully created to do amazing things in this life quickly shuts my inner mean girl down.

5. Celebrate personal victories!

I ran my personal best in a virtual 15K and rewarded myself with a cupcake. When I published a book, I treated myself to a new pair of boots. I didn’t yell at my crazy tweenager about cleaning her room and gave myself a lunch date. I have learned to celebrate my personal victories, large and small. Celebrating the things you do reminds you that you are one amazing woman. There’s nothing your inner mean girl despises more than seeing you celebrate yourself.

Shutting your inner mean girl down isn’t easy. She’s crafty, likes to hide, and will lie in wait for the right time to reappear. She will attack who you are as a person, a wife, and a mother. But imagine the example your kids will see when you build yourself up instead of falling for your inner mean girl’s antics. Your kids take their lead from you. Why not give them something positive to strive for? Celebrate who you are.  Tell your inner mean girl to be quiet because you’ve got this!

What’s one positive affirmation you will use daily?

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