I craned the back of my neck to braid my hair and then settled on a quick ponytail instead. “I’m gonna get a haircut today,” I thought. “Really short. Right now.” As somebody who has had long hair for almost a decade, this sudden urge felt out of character. That same day—not long after my 42nd birthday—I scrolled Zillow and text-bombed my husband with links to new houses we should buy. I quickly abandoned that whim and started looking up designs for a built-in shelf to add to our living room. When that didn’t scratch the itch, I started sketching tattoo ideas to have inked on my wrist.
After several days of impulsiveness, I had a moment of clarity and Googled “midlife crisis” and “how to deal with a midlife crisis.” That’s when I realized I was having one—even though I kind of thought they were reserved for men. Is there any chance you can relate? Not every crazy whim means you’re having a midlife crisis, and not every midlife crisis happens for the same reason. Here are the signs you’re having one, what to do about it, and why it’s not always a crisis.
What are the signs?
For me, it was a general feeling of restlessness paired with either unpredictable impulsivity or overwhelming sluggishness—oftentimes swinging from one extreme to the other within the same day. While restlessness along with irritability, indecisiveness, and loneliness are very common feelings associated with a midlife crisis, according to Forbes Health, there are also many physical shifts you may experience: weight gain, weight loss, poor sleep, unusual or frequent headaches, withdrawal from normal activities, or the urge to do something big or unexpected.
What are the causes?
More so than ever before, women are wearing multiple hats. While busyness is certainly a marker of women today, so is a growing desire for self-awareness. Many of us in our 40s and 50s are in survival mode, but we’re also acknowledging that we don’t want that to become our default setting.
A midlife crisis isn’t a one-size-fits-all experience, and it’s not a linear or guaranteed path for all women. It can come on suddenly or creep up slowly, but it almost always coincides with a season of change or transition. After 14 fast-paced years of being a stay-at-home mom, my midlife crisis started after all my kids were in school full-time. Their increased independence left me floundering and searching for renewed purpose.
This midlife shift might also happen when you become an empty-nester, change jobs, wade through financial insecurities, manage the pressures (and comparison traps) of social media, or lose a loved one. Sometimes the onset of a new season is when you begin to digest that you can’t control everything.
What can I do about it?
Searching homes on Zillow and sketching tattoo ideas distracted me for short bursts of time, but I found that talking about it was my first step in moving through it. After weeks of holding it in quietly, I spilled my guts with a few trusted people. They asked questions I hadn’t yet asked myself: What are your specific goals? Have you prayed about it? How can I support you?
Carl Jung encourages us to reframe a midlife crisis as “the afternoon of life.” It might be the perfect time to examine your priorities and embrace the chapter ahead. A midlife crisis is a season that doesn’t end cleanly or distinctly, but reframing it as a season of growth, renewal, and refreshed purpose can reduce the feelings of “crisis.”
How do you manage feelings of discomfort or restlessness?
