As we walked up to one of our favorite restaurants, the familiar eight-foot Big Boy statue grinned at us, holding his platter and sandwich up high. My son pointed, laughed, and said, “He’s fat from eating hamburgers! He needs to go on a diet!” The other kids stopped to giggle. I cringed.
And his comment made me wonder… Was dieting in front of my kids causing them to look at others negatively, or maybe even themselves? Should moms diet in front of their kids? Or should they diet in secret—or at all? Before we can expect to answer those outwardly directed questions, moms need to ask themselves 3 questions that point inward.
1. What is your goal in starting a diet?
You might have many reasons for starting a specific plan for the way you eat. Perhaps the doctor ordered it, you don’t have the energy you used to have, or you just don’t like that your jeans aren’t fitting anymore. Ask yourself this: Is your main goal health-focused or appearance-focused? Don’t be ashamed if you say “appearance.” Appearance-based media is in your face almost everywhere you go. But when that becomes our driving force, we can sometimes use unhealthy eating habits to achieve our goals. Our children see this and think, “The goal is to be thin, no matter how I eat or exercise or feel.”
What would it look like to shift to a health-focused goal? How would our mindsets change if we were trying to strengthen our bodies, sleep better, or have more endurance? Our children would see this too, and they’d think, “The goal is to be healthy. My mom takes care of her body, and she feels good.” This is the mindset we want our children to adopt, too.
2. How are my eating habits affecting me overall?
Sometimes we change our eating habits without paying attention to anything other than the numbers on the scale. But a change in the way we eat can make us lose weight while feeling worse. I remember being two weeks into a low-calorie diet once, and I was feeling so tired and hungry that I was snapping at everyone—even the dog. And when we’re “hangry,” the saying “if Mom’s not happy, no one’s happy” couldn’t be truer. So take note of the way your eating habits affect you because often, Mom’s the emotional leader of the family.
A change in diet doesn’t just affect your mood. A friend told me that when she tried intermittent fasting, she was opposed to putting even a taste of food into her mouth before noon. She had to tell her son she wouldn’t try a lick of the smoothie he’d made. When her son said, “Just a dab?” and she still declined, his proud smile sank. She wondered what the cost was of her strict diet.
This topic is so important we took it to the iMOM Podcast for a conversation. Listen to the episode, Should I Diet in Front of My Kids, and subscribe to get new episodes every Monday.
3. How am I talking about myself and my appearance?
Even though I know I shouldn’t insult myself, especially in front of my kids, it’s slipped out a couple of times. Once, my youngest daughter was in my bedroom when I was getting ready, and my husband said, “Why don’t you wear that blue shirt? I love that shirt on you.” I replied, “No way. I’d have to lose about 15 pounds to pull that off.” You never know which comment will settle in their minds and take root. How we talk about our bodies directly affects the way our kids think and talk about their bodies. If you catch yourself saying negative things, stop and think about it. Is there some internal work you need to do to treat yourself with more kindness and acceptance?
When you do make changes to your eating habits that are health-focused, talk to your kids about a “way of eating healthier” rather than dieting as a way of fixing something you don’t like about your appearance. Encourage talk about how the body is functional, not ornamental. Talk to your kids about how you’re proud of what your body can do, not how it looks. And whenever you have a chance, keep acceptance and uniqueness at the forefront. I often say to my kids, “God makes us in all shapes and sizes. It would be pretty boring if He didn’t.”
What do you think is important for moms to keep in mind when changing their eating habits?
