During my first year of teaching, my team was asked to prepare breakfast for all the teachers on one morning of pre-planning. I was fresh-faced, eager, and ready to jump into my new job. As we were brainstorming the breakfast plans, one of the seasoned teachers said, “I’ll bring milk or orange juice—whatever is the easiest and cheapest.” Was she burnt out or thrifty, or was she quietly quitting? Quiet quitting is doing the bare minimum to get by—not going above and beyond, but not actually “quitting.” While it’s currently a phrase being used in the workplace, the act of quiet quitting could happen in other areas of life, too.
Quiet quitting isn’t new, but it was officially named in March of 2022, and a lot of people are doing it. Is that a sign of people who are worn and weary, or is it a shift in our boundaries and priorities? Regardless of our motivations, it’s worth examining if we find ourselves quietly quitting in any of these 5 other areas of life—and why.
1. Parenting
I don’t know a mother who hasn’t felt burnt out by the monotonous demands of laundry, meals, discipline, homework, or car line. We’ve likely all experienced the truth of the saying “the days are long, but the years are short,” and sometimes it feels like we’re stuck in an endless loop.
It’s not the end of the world if you’re quiet quitting a parenting task here and there, like buying the cupcakes instead of baking them in your kitchen, having a FFY (Fend For Yourself) dinner—something we do almost every Sunday evening and my kids have come to love—or letting the kids have an extra hour of screen time so you can catch your breath. But, if you find that survival mode is your only mode, it might be time to talk to someone like a trusted friend, sister, or therapist who can help you refresh your pace and priorities.
2. Friendships
The calendar on our fridge is packed with commitments; but everyone in my family knows that MNO stands for “Moms’ Night Out,” and that’s one of my favorite nights of the month. Without intentionally prioritizing friendships, that can easily become something that starts to slip. If you sense you’re pulling back, or doing the bare minimum in certain friendships, consider if it’s time to close the door on that friendship. But if you’re feeling disconnected because you’ve unintentionally quietly quit, then reach out to one of your rooted friends. Initiate a phone date, walk date, coffee date, or MNO.
3. Marriage
I used to make elaborate lunches for my husband to bring to work: main, side, salty, sweet, and a love note on top. After having our first baby, I didn’t have the bandwidth to maintain that. Now, after several years of marriage, I send him off with a cheese stick and a bag of mixed nuts. Never once has my husband asked me to make his lunches, and there have been many days he’s left the house empty-handed, but quiet quitting in this trivial area was a way for me to maintain some balance.
In the significant areas, however, it’s important to keep the spark alive with date nights, open communication, and purposeful connections. Complacency in marriage is a dangerous resting place, and it’s worth every effort to avoid quiet quitting in the big marriage areas.
4. Home
I remember feeling like a real grown-up when I bought my first house. I started making my bed every morning, meticulously wiping down kitchen counters, stocking up on toilet paper, and really learning how to care for a home. Twenty years later, the honeymoon phase of homeownership has ended.
Quiet quitting around the house might result in using paper plates to avoid dishes, a yard overgrown with weeds, or repeatedly skipping grocery shopping and grabbing fast food. While that’s not sustainable in the long run, give yourself some grace from time to time. Do a quick sweep of the floors rather than a full-blown scrub, wait another day to change the sheets on your bed, and trust that sometimes, it’s more valuable just to get it done rather than to get it done perfectly.
5. Commitments
Do you ever find yourself wanting to want to—but not actually wanting to? There are endless opportunities for moms to serve, commit, and help: homeroom mom, PTA, church, sports teams, school clubs, field trips, carpooling, snack supplier, and the list goes on. We don’t have time for every opportunity, but it’s hard for many women to say no.
Rather than half-heartedly executing these commitments, try building boundaries that protect your time, your family, and your “yes.” If you start feeling resentful, or you dread seeing a particular commitment pop up on your calendar, it might be better to actually quit. We can’t do it all, but this is an area where we can choose whether to step up or step back.
Where do you find yourself quiet quitting? Can you identify why?
