I stared at my reflection in the dressing room mirror. Tears ran quietly as I fought to get the ill-fitting shirt off. The first sob escaped, and I heard her. That snide little voice in the back of my head. Laughing at the extra weight I couldn’t get rid of no matter how many miles I walked. Pointing out every extra ounce that stuck out from the fitted material. Calling me horrible names. She’s my inner mean girl.
She knows just where to poke to make me doubt every inch of progress I make. It’s taken years of self-talk and more than a few downward spirals to learn how to silence her harsh criticism. If you have one too (and let’s be real, most women do), here are 5 ways to quiet your inner mean girl.
1. Give your inner mean girl a name—and then tell her to quiet down!
My inner mean girl, Tabitha, rears her sneaky head randomly. She really likes to appear when I feel like I’m doing great work in my life. Over time, I’ve learned to recognize her voice and shut her down. Bullies, even the ones we carry around in our own minds, don’t like when we stand up to them. Give that harsh voice in your head a name, and when she chimes in, tell her to pipe down.
2. Post personal affirmations everywhere.
Every day, after I’ve pulled on my workout clothes at five in the morning, I take a gander at my full-length mirror. Around it are Post-It notes with things I need to remember about myself. Reminders that I am brave, smart, creative, and enough meet me every time I look in that mirror. Sometimes you need to boost yourself up because your inner mean girl thrives on tearing you down. Whether you stick affirmations on your mirror, in your car, on your phone screen, or on your desk, post them and read them often. The more you see your amazing attributes displayed, the more you’ll believe them.
3. Be gentle with yourself.
As women, we tend to be our own harshest critics. We immediately see the flaws with everything we’ve done, easily forgetting all the awesome things. I will happily point out every mistake I make before I take a sliver of credit for what went right. Be kind to yourself. Remember you are human and you make mistakes. Don’t let the mistakes define you. Instead, use them to get better.
4. Remember who made you.
You are a working masterpiece. I believe every part of you was formed and created by God, who loves you tremendously. You are not a mistake. For so long, I struggled with accepting that I had a purpose, that I was meant to exist. It took years of reminders and leaning into an unconditional love I never had to worry about to finally understand that I was created for a reason. Remembering I was carefully created to do amazing things in this life quickly shuts my inner mean girl down.
5. Celebrate personal victories!
I ran my personal best in a virtual 15K and rewarded myself with a cupcake. When I published a book, I treated myself to a new pair of boots. I didn’t yell at my crazy tweenager about cleaning her room and gave myself a lunch date. I have learned to celebrate my personal victories, large and small. Celebrating the things you do reminds you that you are one amazing woman. There’s nothing your inner mean girl despises more than seeing you celebrate yourself.
Shutting your inner mean girl down isn’t easy. She’s crafty, likes to hide, and will lie in wait for the right time to reappear. She will attack who you are as a person, a wife, and a mother. But imagine the example your kids will see when you build yourself up instead of falling for your inner mean girl’s antics. Your kids take their lead from you. Why not give them something positive to strive for? Celebrate who you are. Tell your inner mean girl to be quiet because you’ve got this!
What’s one positive affirmation you will use daily?
