This week, the ladies pull up a mic for speaker and author Ted Lowe. Ted is an expert on empathy and conflict in marriage, and he fields questions from Megan, Susan, and Abby about the things that manage to take a silly fight up a notch and make it a knock-out fight.

If you’ve ever gotten to the end of a fight and not remembered how it started, or it zigzagged to the recurring problem you always come back around to, then this conversation will shed light on what you and your husband might be doing within the fight that sabotages healthy communication. Conflict in marriage is inevitable, but if you can avoid the four things Ted mentions in our conversation with him, you’ll have more productive (and hopefully fewer) fights.

He’ll walk us through the dangers of interpretation, comparison, mindreading, and threats. Ted, Megan, Susan, and Abby talk about avoiding these common pitfalls and also understanding what we’re really communicating to our spouses when we succumb to them. Be sure to pull up this podcast episode on your next drive with your husband and get ready to hit pause to have a healthy conversation that will change the way you approach conflict in marriage.

Ted Lowe is on staff with Family First as a writer, speaker, and podcast host. He is also the founder of For Us Marriage and has written three books. His most recent book is Us in Mind: How Changing Your Thoughts Can Change Your Marriage. Ted is a frequent conference and date night speaker at churches and events across the country, and he is a graduate of Fuller Theological Seminary. He and his wife, Nancie, have four kids and live in Cumming, Georgia.

Articles We Mentioned

Conflict in Marriage: 4 Things to Avoid
More About Ted Lowe
Book Ted to speak to your group.
Listen to Ted Lowe on the All Pro Dad Podcast

What most often gets in the way of healthy conflict between you and your husband?

The post Things to Avoid When You’re in a Fight With Your Husband appeared first on iMOM.

Change in families is part of life. We change jobs or move to a new city. Family members get sick and sometimes parents divorce. The way we handle change in front of our children is how we model faith, resilience, and trust. In this episode of the iMOM Podcast, we pick up where we left off in the last episode and discuss how change in families can make your family closer and stronger.

In case you missed the last episode, click here to listen. You’ll hear the story of Susan and Megan’s family choosing to adopt and Abby’s story about a friend’s daughter being diagnosed with cancer. (There’s a very happy ending!) In part two, Chloe asks when it’s appropriate to share with the kids news of change and when to keep it between Mom and Dad. Sometimes, when changes are coming, it’s a chance to share with your kids how you’re handling it. If your husband is looking for a new job, you could tell the kids, pray together about it, or share disappointment if he’s turned down for the job. Other times it might just make your kids worry. We have different takes on this. Listen to the episode to see who you agree with.

Megan raises the question of how you follow what God is calling you to or pivot when things just aren’t turning out how you envisioned they would. That starts a conversation about change leading to strength. Our kids also get to see our true character when we face change in families. They see our faith in action and watch us adjust to new ways of thinking and living. Hopefully this episode will show you that you don’t need to be afraid of change. It can be a great teacher!

Articles We Mentioned

Adoption resources
Susan’s Adoption Story
10 Reasons Why Adoption May Be Right for Your Family
5 F’s You Need in Tough Times

Change in families can be challenging, but it can also bring you closer. What have you experienced in your family that has strengthened your bond?

The post When Big Changes Come to Your Family (Part 2) appeared first on iMOM.

Change is inevitable, and sometimes it makes a forever impact. In this episode of the iMOM Podcast, we talk about dealing with change when it affects family life. The episode begins with Susan sharing the story of how she and her husband, Mark, made the decision to add two children to their family. It’s an incredible story of faithfulness, trust, and God’s providence. Even with the spoiler (Susan and Megan have talked many times about the two adopted children in their family), you’ll still be riveted by the crazy turns this story takes.

Susan and her husband were being led to adopt. Adoption is a big change, but Susan got to choose it. What about the times you don’t get as much of a say in the changes that are happening in your life? Your husband gets transferred or someone gets sick. How do you embrace that situation? Megan shares her perspective on how her parents’ choice affected her and her siblings and what she learned from having adopted siblings. She reflects on how many times she and her husband have moved for his job or lived apart from one another. She admits it hasn’t been easy, but it’s helped them grow closer and trust one another. 

Dealing with change is most difficult when it comes with suffering. Abby takes a moment to talk about her friend Laura, whose daughter was diagnosed with leukemia in 2018. The doctors told Laura and her husband that a drug their daughter needed couldn’t be obtained for over a year, which was an unacceptable answer to them. Laura found the drug, and her daughter was able to continue treatment, which saved her life. Laura has since created the only charitable patient advocacy organization with a mission to end drug shortages. Sometimes the big changes that happen in families brings out the best in them and that “best” changes the world.

This was just part one of a two-part episode. Listen to part two next week!

Articles We Mentioned

Adoption resources
Susan’s Adoption Story
10 Reasons Why Adoption May Be Right for Your Family
Angels for Change – Organization with the mission to end drug shortages

What big changes have you had to navigate with your family? How has dealing with change brought your family closer?

The post When Big Changes Come to Your Family (Part 1) appeared first on iMOM.

From the moment your child is born, you make choices for her. Then, one day, she decides she want to choose for herself (No peas!). As the years go by, you slowly have to let go of control and trust that she’s capable of making a good choice when it’s most important. In this episode of the iMOM Podcast, Abby, Susan, Megan, and Chloe talk about the times that making a good choice isn’t clear or easy for kids.

We start with a discussion about pop stars who start out sweet and safe for kids and make a sharp turn. How do you explain to a child that the singer she loves is no longer singing lyrics or wearing clothes that are OK for her to mimic? It’s a delicate conversation, but it’s one that can help teach several of the core elements of discernment.

Throughout her life, your child has to discern what music to listen to, what shows to watch, who to be close friends with, and so much more. Teaching her what goes into making a good choice not only can help her avoid harmful things but also can give her confidence that she can navigate the world on her own.

One great takeaway from this episode is how to help your child create a moral warehouse. We talk about what that is (with a helpful visual), how to create it, and then how to encourage kids to access it when they are faced with a decision. As you work on this, remember that teaching our kids discernment not only strengthens their ability to make good decisions, it also fortifies their identity. It gives our kids the ability to say, “I’m making this decision because it reflects the kind of person I am.” It’s worth the hard work!

Articles We Mentioned

2 Questions Every Child Needs to Answer to Make Wise Decisions
Does Your Kid Have Red Light Friends?
Parents Article About Talking to Kids About Stars Growing Up
Dove Redefining Beauty Campaign

Printables We Think You’ll Like

What conversations have you had with your kids about choosing who to follow?

The post Teaching Kids Discernment appeared first on iMOM.

We all know it’s important to teach our kids how to be independent, but actually releasing them into the world is easier said than done. If you have a little one, independence could mean giving them 20 minutes of play time in the back yard while you watch from the kitchen window. If your kids are bigger, letting them ride bikes around the neighborhood can plant seeds that grow into greater confidence and freedom. In this episode we talk about the research that proves independence is vital and why moms struggle so much to do what we know is right for our children.

Kids naturally want to know how to be independent; they’re curious and want to push boundaries to see what’s safe. So why do we hold on so tightly to them? Our discussion in this episode moves from fear to judgment from other moms to social media to our own need to be busy. And, of course, there’s the discomfort we have to endure knowing our kids are doing something that might hurt like fall and skin a knee.

After agreeing on the need for kids’ independence (thanks to Jonathan Haidt’s book and a poll from the University of Michigan) we talk about small ways moms can help kids learn how to be independent. The good news is that small acts are effective, like unstructured play time, playing with other kids, and small confidence boosting activities like fetching items around the grocery store.

Articles We Mentioned

University of Michigan poll: “Promoting children’s independence: What parents say vs do”
Quit Telling Your Child to Be Careful!
Jonathan Haidt, The Anxious Generation
I’m Gonna Parent Like It’s 1989
3 Ways to Encourage Your Toddler’s Independence
21 Things Your Kids Can Do for Themselves
7 Ways to Get Your Little One to Play Independently

What makes it most difficult for you to let go and give your kids more independence?

The post Helping Your Kids Become More Independent appeared first on iMOM.

If a mom wants to enjoy a low-stress trip, does she have to travel without her kids? We say no! It is possible to take a trip with your family and actually come back feeling like you’ve been on vacation. It just takes a little preparation, both mentally and physically, and then some strategies for keeping the peace while you’re away.

In this episode of the iMOM Podcast, we share our horror stories of family vacations (that we obviously survived)—from projectile vomit, to regretting ordering the rigatoni, to a camper full of bugs. We’ve experienced some lows, but no matter what happened, our family vacations have always created memories. That’s one of the most valuable conversations we have in this episode about low-stress trips. You’ve got to accept that just because you’re on vacation, you don’t get to stop parenting, your kids won’t automatically be angels, and every moment isn’t going to be perfect. If you find that you’re stressed when you travel or bummed about the way things are unfolding, ask yourself if your expectations are unrealistic.

On top of big picture ideas, we also share some practical tips for what to pack, how to keep kids entertained and well-behaved on road trips, and how to navigate treats! And, of course, we don’t forget about your needs, Mom. While you might not be able to escape for a spa day, you can still have a low-stress trip and get your needs met. We talk about a husband’s role in making that happen and how moms can get away for a few minutes to recharge. If you’ve got a vacation coming up, we hope some of these ideas help you enjoy the time with your family and let go of some of the stress that comes with traveling.

Articles We Mentioned

15 Family Car Games to Beat the Boredom Bug
A Trip With Kids CAN Feel Like a Vacation! 7 Tips for Loving Trips
How to Recover When Your Vacation Lets You Down
9 Tips to Avoid Tiffs When Traveling With Your Husband
4 Outside-the-Box Family Vacation Ideas

Printables We Think You’ll Like

The post How to Enjoy a Low(er) Stress Family Vacation appeared first on iMOM.

Resilience. It’s a trait all parents want their kids to have, but few of us know how to teach—or, maybe better stated, few of us want our kids to go through the experiences that lead to resilience. In this episode of the iMOM Podcast, we talk about teaching resilience through natural consequences and life experience. It turns out, it’s not as hard as you think because there are a lot of circumstances our kids will encounter that require them to get back up after they’ve been knocked down.

So what is resilience? It’s the ability to respond well to difficulty, pain, and stress. And good news, teaching resilience is possible. It’s not like you’re born with it or you’re not. What do you think of when you hear that someone showed resilience? Maybe you think back to your grandparents or people you read about in history class. When it’s presented that way, it can be tough to imagine how a twenty-first century kid can embody those same traits. After all, life is a lot easier today. So in this episode, we ask questions like what works against kids when they’re learning to build resilience and what some everyday things are that build resilience in kids.

And, since teaching resilience requires us to step back and let them struggle, we talk about resisting the temptation to protect our kids from the things that we know are going to be hard. This episode will leave you feeling hopeful that you have the ability and plenty of opportunities to teach this vital characteristic to your kids.

Articles We Mentioned

3 Ways to Help a Child Through a Rough Patch
5 Things to Teach Your Kids About Failure
What Resilience Is and Why Our Kids Need It
5 Ways to Make Struggles No Big Deal
“It’s Not My Fault!” Getting Your Child Out of a Victim Mentality

Printables We Think You’ll Like

The post Teaching Resilience to Our Kids appeared first on iMOM.

Need help loving your husband better? If you’re in a happy marriage but stretched thin with kids, work, and all the other things that you have to deal with in a regular day, it’s hard to be patient and loving. In this episode, Chloe, Megan, Susan, and Abby speak honestly about where they fall short in their efforts (or lack thereof) to show their husbands love. In fact, when we ask the question “What would your husband say you do well to show him love?” there’s a poignant pause and a realization we all need to step up our game.

What do you think gets in the way of you loving your husband? Our answers range from patience, to kids, to pride. It can be hard to show love when you don’t feel like he’s loving you well. We have words of comfort for you if that’s the situation you find yourself in today.

What about all the things we do in marriage to show love, that aren’t grand gestures—remembering the kind of peanut butter he likes or making his lunch? What do we do if we feel like we’re doing those things but he’s not seeing them as loving? Sometimes it takes a frank discussion about ways you think you’re loving him and how much energy you have to give beyond that.

We wrap up the episode discussing creative ways to speak our husband’s love languages, so if you want inspiration or just a good laugh, stick around ’til the end.

Articles We Mentioned

30 Creative Ways to Speak Your Husband’s Love Language
5 Steps to Writing the Love Letter Every Husband Wants to Receive
14 Everyday Moves That Are Surprisingly Romantic
30 Last-Minute Father’s Day Gift Ideas

Printables We Think You’ll Like

Leave your comments on this episode below!

The post Loving Your Husband Well appeared first on iMOM.

What advice would you give to your younger self? That question might make you think back to what college you went to, what guy you dated for too long, or how much time you spent with loved ones before they passed away. When you think about your journey through motherhood, there are probably some pieces of advice you’d share with yourself when you were in a previous phase. So that’s our conversation in today’s episode!

One of the newest moms in our office inspired today’s topic when she approached Chloe and thanked her for her openness in episode 91, “New Year! New Baby! New Mom!” Even though Chloe had only been a mom for three months, she had experienced things that the new mom could relate to and benefit from. She said, “You talked about exactly what I was going through right then!” Every mom, whether your kids are two months or 20 years old, has learned something that can help another mom.

So we start by asking, “What advice would you give to your younger self about how your marriage would change?” Then we talk about thinking back to the phase you just left behind. What did you learn from that time? You can’t turn back time, but hopefully, as you think about what advice you’d give to your younger self, you realize that right now, you’re a younger version of a future you! How might that affect the way you parent now?

Hopefully as your children grow, you’re also growing. To do that, you have to hold on to the things you’re learning. Every lesson from one phase and every bit of hindsight can inform your decisions today. So we wrap up our episode by talking about how we can be more mindful and store each day’s wisdom.

Articles We Mentioned

3 Beautiful Bits of Mom Wisdom

Printable We Think You’ll Like

Share your comments on this episode below!

The post What I’d Say to My Younger Mom Self appeared first on iMOM.

Mealtime should be an opportunity for a family to gather together and be nourished with conversation, laughter, and delicious food. There’s overwhelming evidence that family meals help kids grow up with fewer mental health struggles, exhibit less risky behavior, and develop a stronger family identity, so it really stinks when food is a source of conflict. But when you have a picky eater, it often turns into a battleground and a place of stress. In this episode, we talk about how to handle a picky eater, ways to inspire a child to eat, and when it might be time to get help.

It’s so common to hear about kids who only like chicken nuggets or don’t want their food to touch. Does that describe one of your kids? We have a few ideas for small steps you can take, like setting the rule that your child has to try something three times before officially declaring it a food he doesn’t like. Or have you heard of food chaining? It’s a way to introduce new foods by associating them with old favorites. We explain it in detail in the episode; don’t worry! We also talk about whether sneaking vegetables into meals is a smart idea or if it’s destined to backfire.

How do you know if your picky eater needs help from a doctor or food therapist? Some kids (and it’s especially common in those with ASD) have severe aversions to some foods to the point of gagging or throwing up. If that’s your child, you’re not alone, and there are people who can help.

Most importantly, if you have a picky eater, it’s not a sign you’re a bad mom, a bad cook, or a failure. It’s hard to struggle at meals, but we’ll give you some words of consolation to put it all into perspective.

Articles We Mentioned

9 Strategies for Feeding Picky Eaters
How to Fix a Picky Eater: 3 Easy Tricks
4 Signs Your Child’s Picky Eating Is Becoming a Problem

Printables We Think You’ll Like

The post Feeding Your Picky Eater appeared first on iMOM.