“Take this box of donut holes,” I said, shoving it into my son’s hands. “Hand them out on the bus.” New to the marching band, he had an away game, and I wanted him to make friends. When he got home later that night, I asked how it went. “Yeah, I ate about 10,” he said, and my heart fell. “But a few kids took some.” Yet he didn’t come home with a new buddy, and for the rest of the season, the thought of him alone at practices caused me much parenting stress.
Is there an issue your child’s grappling with? And you’ve taken on that stress for yourself? If, like me, you’re oozing stress in a way that you think might not be helpful, here are 5 ways to take control of your kid-induced parenting stress. Let’s work on it together.
1. Love your child for who she is right now.
One of my friends worries that her daughter’s shyness will hold her back. Another friend worries over her 10-year-old’s desire to dress and act like a teenager. Many times, these are just stages our kids go through, and they won’t last forever.
How to let your parenting stress go: Though it’s hard to be objective, if we can step back, squint a little, and pretend we’re seeing our kids for the first time, it might do us some good. You might notice qualities you didn’t really see before—like the way she always asks before giving hugs, or the way he pats his little brother on the back to encourage him.
2. Be present, but give kids some room.
On a walk with a friend, I asked her what lunch period her son had. “I don’t know,” she admitted. “I don’t even know who he sits with.” Hearing this helped put my worries in perspective. I could choose not to stress over my child’s friendships. Being so close to the situation and wanting to know every detail about his day isn’t healthy for either of us.
How to let your parenting stress go: The more we discuss, cajole, and seek to control every aspect of our children’s lives, the more pushback we’re likely to receive. To avoid power struggles, give your kids some room. Even though we’re interested and might want to know more than what they tell us, we also have to give them more of our trust.
3. Take fear out of the equation.
Fear of the unknown or the what ifs can create parenting stress. What if the teacher yells at him for forgetting his homework? Will my daughter have anyone to room with on the trip? What if my child’s cough reveals an underlying condition? The uncertainty can suck the joy out of parenting if we let it. But William Stixrud, PhD, and Ned Johnson, authors of The Self-Driven Child, caution us not to make decisions for our children based on fear.
How to let your parenting stress go: Take an educated and prayerful approach. Gather information so you can make well-informed decisions. In my life, I also like to pray before making big decisions, asking God to give me wisdom and discernment.
4. Spend time having fun with your child.
My son likes to play board games, and these days, I’m trying to focus on having fun with him rather than stressing too much about other aspects of his life. Maybe your child likes it when you both play with LEGOs in his bedroom or when you read a book together. If you had an hour to do something you’d both enjoy, what would it be?
For some fun ideas to do with your family, download our 30-Day Family Time Challenge!
How to let your parenting stress go: Find something to do with your child that has nothing to do with the stressor. This will help you focus on what you love and enjoy about your child. And it lets her know she’s your top priority.
5. Create an action plan to address your stress.
“Can you please work with her on her math?” I asked my husband. When my child whips out homework at 8 o’clock and says she doesn’t understand the material, it stresses me out. Asking my husband for help did wonders for my parenting stress. And I’ve since asked him to step in more.
How to let your parenting stress go: Tackle your own stress. Exercise or sleep more. Stixrud and Johnson say we shouldn’t make ourselves available to our kids at the expense of our own well-being. So, make an effort to dial down your own stress so you can then be a better source of support for your child.
What’s the main source of your parenting stress, and how do you address it?
