“Watch out for her teeth,” I cautioned my preschooler. I’d love to say I waved that yellow warning flag about our new puppy. But, nope. I was talking about her 14-month-old cousin, Ava, who’d recently started chomping down on a few select people. Toddler biting happens. Thankfully, Ava’s face would turn a certain shade of red beforehand. That gave us a few seconds to get out of bite range.
While toddler biting hurts, it’s not usually a sign of aggression or defiance. However, your little one is trying to tell you something. And biting is a common occurrence, so release any shame you might feel about your child’s behavior. Instead, if you find your toddler biting, filter through these 3 common reasons for it to respond with patience and proactive strategies.
1. Teething
While every child develops at her own pace, on average, most babies start teething around 6 months old. Around then, you might start noticing the signs of teething, such as crankiness, drooling, and skin rashes thanks to all that extra dribble. And, your little one may try to alleviate her aching gums by massaging them with whatever she can get her mouth on—her older sibling, her squishy giraffe, or her nursing mom. Sorry!
How to respond: If you’ve been the target of toddler biting, you know it hurts. Like a lot. However, stay calm and express empathy in a soothing tone. While your child won’t yet understand your words, she will pick up on your tone of voice and facial expressions. Say something like: “We don’t bite. I can tell that your teeth are hurting you. Let’s find something safe for you to chew on.” Then redirect your child by offering her an age-appropriate teething toy or chilled object to gnaw on to relieve her teething pain. She might need some extra snuggles, too.
2. Communication Frustration
Little bodies can experience big emotions. You’ve probably experienced that a time or two or 200. And between the ages of 1 and 3 years old (or longer for children with special needs), your child’s limited language skills and self-control abilities fail to help her express those big emotions in healthy ways all the time. That’s when your child may resort to letting her teeth do the talking to get her point across. Hitting and pushing can also be a common response. Oh, and, the toddler thunderdome really ramps up if your child also feels hungry, tired, overstimulated, or simply needs a break from being around people. Caution: Biting ahead.
How to respond: Avoid being sucked into your child’s big emotions. Instead, soothe his storm with simple and clear language. Give him the words to express what he is trying to communicate. Let him know you understand him and that biting is not how we respond. Instead, we use our words. Comment on how the other child is feeling, too, and offer that child comfort. Say something like this: “Honey, I can see you feel angry that Aidan took the car you wanted to play with. However, we don’t bite our friends. We use our words. Biting hurts. See, Aidan is crying because you bit him. Let’s check on Aidan and make sure he is OK.” By the way, as your child gets better at using his words, provide lots of positive reinforcement so he will be more likely to repeat the behavior!
3. Exploration and Curiosity
Since 2007, more than 900 million people have watched the YouTube video of the sweet little toddler, Charlie, biting his brother’s finger twice. Charlie giggled throughout. He wasn’t teething or frustrated. He was simply using his mouth to explore the world around him, including his brother’s finger. That’s a common reason for toddlers to nibble, especially under the age of three. They’re experiencing the sensation of biting and learning what happens when they bite.
How to respond: Gently and firmly let your child know that biting people, animals, phones is not OK. Instead, offer him something that is OK to bite, such as a teething toy or that super squishy ball. Say something like this: “No biting. We don’t bite the dog. It hurts. You can bite on your Nuby.”
Mom, if you feel concerned about your toddler biting, talk to your pediatrician.
How are you navigating the challenges of sleep disruptions when your baby started teething? Do you have any tips to share with other moms going through the same thing?
