One of my daughters, with a glint of mischief in her eye, ran from her screaming sister while threatening to put her toothbrush in her mouth. Looking at the clock, I counted the minutes until it was finally time to put the kids to bed in order to have a few minutes of peace and quiet. It had been a long day filled with lots of those kinds of moments between them. The last thing I wanted to do was spend extra time with either of them. With a big sigh, I grabbed the book we’d been reading together each night. Opening the book eased the antagonism, and soon, they snuggled in together to listen.
As mentally exhausted as I was, I saw how bedtime routines for kids changed the stressful environment into one of bonding and connection for all of us. Reading a story together is a fun and easy way to connect at bedtime. But it’s not the only one. Here are 10 others.
1. Tell them you noticed them doing something great that day.
I tend to notice what’s wrong rather than what’s right. I have to be purposeful in order to see the great things people are doing. Maybe you do too. Keep a note in your phone of things you catch your kids doing well throughout the day, and then share what you witnessed at bedtime.
2. Tell them a story of when you were a kid.
My fondest memories growing up are of snuggling up to my grandma at night while she told me stories of herself as a little girl. I constantly asked her to repeat the same ones over and over. When I was an adult, I asked her to share her stories in a recording that I treasure to this day.
3. Describe them in the third person narrative.
Sharing with someone using the third person helps them see themselves in a different way. It can make the words penetrate deeper into their hearts. For instance, you could use a picture of your son from your phone and say, “This boy is smart, courageous, creative, funny, and kind.”
4. Share with them about their ancestors and where they come from.
For an assignment in high school, I had to interview family members and write our family history. I learned that my Protestant great-great grandmother chased a Catholic priest down a street and that another relative was a bootlegger. Kids love hearing stories like these—a riveting alternative to your usual bedtime stories.
5. Make up a story together taking turns with each sentence.
Camping is a summer must for my family. When the kids were young, we would sit around the campfire and make up a long story by going around in a circle taking turns adding one line to the story. It got long and elaborate and silly. My youngest daughter would always start by saying, “One night, there was a wolf.” We still tease her about that today.
6. Create a Letting-Go Jar.
Stress is becoming more and more common in kids. One way to help reduce stress is to regularly practice letting go of false responsibility, worries, false expectations, and things beyond their control. Give kids, and maybe yourself, each a penny or token of some sort. Share what stressor that token symbolizes and place it in a jar that you take out of the room when you kiss them goodnight.
7. Repeat the same silly phrase as you walk out the door.
The last words my mom always said when she left my room at night was, “Don’t let the bedbugs bite your bottom.” I would laugh and feel loved. It was a silly thing to say, but her repetitiveness of it made it a term of endearment. Now that she’s elderly, I say it to her. Bedtime routines for kids that create a special bond can be as simple as just saying a few words, so pick some to say tonight.
8. Share about each other’s day without talking.
Using only singing or rhyming words, report on the events of each other’s day. “Was today fun?” “Yes, I had fun in the sun!” There will be lots of giggles and smiles, and siblings will actually listen to each other.
9. Pretend to be a book or movie character.
Reading a story together facilitates connection. Putting on a pair of glasses or a hat like a character in the story or as a movie character while you go through the bedtime rituals makes it fun, too. You could also do a character or silly voice while you read. You don’t have to be good at it. Kids will enjoy the fact that you are just trying.
1o. Take the 30-Day Pillow Talk Challenge.
Asking questions like these creates an invitation for your kids to share what’s on their minds. It also creates a way for each child to explore who they are and for you to share in return.
What are some fun and easy things you do to connect with your kids at bedtime?
