“They say a mom starts bonding with the baby the moment she discovers she’s pregnant and a dad starts as soon as the baby is born.” As my friend recalled the axiom, she held back tears and said, “If that’s true, then what’s wrong with us?” She rocked her one-month-old and said her husband, the new dad, was struggling to bond with the baby.
She knows he loves their daughter, but he’s told her doesn’t feel any deep connection. I asked what she’d tried so far to help them bond and she said, “I figured it would just develop naturally.” True, it will, but there are some things a mom can do to help a dad struggling to bond with his baby, like these 5 sweet father-baby bonding ideas.
1. Tap into his hobby.
What does your husband love to do? Woodworking? Ask him to make something for the baby’s room. Bike riding? Get a carrier to attach to his bike. Video games? Tell him to narrate what’s happening as he plays and the baby gets some tummy time.
Even though the baby won’t know what’s going on, when Dad starts to see how his child can fit into his life, his heart will open to a deeper connection.
2. Let him feed the baby.
Some people will tell you a baby can become confused if she goes back and forth from breast to bottle. While that’s possible, if you’ve got a dad struggling to bond with his baby, allowing him to spend some quiet time feeding her will be worth the trouble.
New dads can feel helpless because so many of the baby’s needs come from Mom, and many new moms have a hard time delegating. The occasional bottle is a great way to give yourself a break and Dad a chance to jump in.
3. Do whatever he wants to do.
If your husband wants to walk to the dog park with the baby or take his future Major Leaguer to see his favorite baseball team in action, say yes!
Dads can be pretty creative, so take a step back and let him come up with his own idea for how to bond. But be forewarned—you might have to loosen your grip just a little. Trust that your husband knows what he’s doing and wouldn’t ask to do anything unsafe.
4. Break the sleep rules.
My sons never fell asleep on me as infants. Not once. And a big part of me regrets that. I had strict rules in place about laying them down to sleep in the crib at the right time. If your husband is struggling to bond with your new baby, and you’re a stickler for sleep rules, break them.
Let the baby fall asleep on Dad. I don’t know any guy who can sit with a tiny baby on his chest, smell all the new baby smells, and not instantly fall in love.
5. Read together.
I’ve noticed that when left alone with a little one, most dads get pretty silly and some are really good at coming up with character voices. Let him grab his favorite board book (even if it’s your favorite, too) and make it part of the baby’s bedtime routine.
Your husband will get to see the baby react to his voice and (bonus!) after 10 minutes of sitting in a dim, quiet nursery, reading about farm animals or the colors of the rainbow, he’ll feel more relaxed.
What other ways can moms help dads struggling to bond with a baby?
