My 2-year-old daughter yelled, “No! I don’t want to, Mama!” as I asked her to let me brush her teeth. I was shocked because she was never bothered by my brushing her teeth before, and I could hear the frustration in her little voice. After taking a deep breath, I realized she wasn’t upset because her teeth were being brushed. She was frustrated because she wanted to do it alone. So, I gave her the toothbrush, and you should have seen that smile! She felt proud to show me she could do it all by herself.
Sometimes, letting our little ones do things on their own is hard, but encouraging independence in toddlers is worth it. Sure, tasks may take 10 times longer and be exponentially more frustrating because we want things done a certain way, but coming alongside them and providing opportunities to practice independence is what truly helps them grow. So, here are 3 ideas for encouraging independence in toddlers.
1. Offer “fun” chores. 
My daughter not only loves brushing her teeth, but she also loves vacuuming, taking out the trash with her dad, and feeding the dog. Every day, we ask her if she’d like to help with these tasks. Believe it or not, she often responds with an excited “I do!” When my daughter finishes a task she enjoys, without any correction from me or my husband, she gets a boost of confidence because she realizes she is able to help around the home by doing things she has seen us do.
According to BeYou, an organization that promotes health and well-being for kids, “Confident children are motivated to engage in more experiences, more able to build positive relationships, and become happier, successful adults.”
2. Cheer on your toddler.
My oldest daughter always gives me a double thumbs up once she has gone to the potty or has done something she thought was impressive. This is her way of seeking my approval. When your toddler accomplishes something on his own (even if it’s not done to your liking), it is a wonderful opportunity to cheer him on. “Yay! I am so proud of you!” “You did such a great job!” Stickers, hugs, iMOM’s You Can Do It chart, and high-fives also go a long way in encouraging
independence in toddlers. We need to slow down and recognize these accomplishments as great building-block moments. What seems small to us is huge to a toddler, so remember to offer plenty of positive reinforcement.
3. Don’t do anything for them that they can do themselves.
Yes, we know you can do it faster. Putting on their shoes for them, zipping their jackets, taking their plate from the table to the sink. However, when you set aside intentional time and let them do it, you allow the space for learning, practice and building problem-solving skills. According to The Child Mind Institute, “When you step back, kids learn how to power through frustration… You are communicating to them that you have faith in their ability to do these steps without you, but also that you are there to help if they need it.” Allowing kids to do things for themselves builds self-reliance and confidence. So when you can be hands-off, go for it.
What have you noticed your toddler trying to do to show his or her independence?
