My friend just told me the story of when her mom moved her into her dorm at the start of her freshman year of college. She said, “We spent two days setting up the room and running back and forth to Target. With every hour that ticked by, we both realized her departure was drawing near. I’d been playing it cool, but when the time came for her to leave me and drive the two hours home, we hugged, and I bawled.”
She said a care package arrived a week later, along with a poignant letter in which her mom talked about some things she regretted doing and some things she’d do exactly the same. Hopefully, you’ve got a little more time before you hug your child goodbye in her dorm room, so be sure to embrace these 10 things you will never regret doing for your children.
1. Staying Up Late to Talk
As children get older, they stay up later and later. There were many nights I stayed up late to hang around my kids. No regrets. Just coffee.
2. Making It a Point to Hug, Hug, Hug
Take the extra seconds to hug your children, no matter how much of a hurry you’re in. If they’re the ones trying to squirm out of it, keep it light: “Hey! I need a 10-second hug!”
3. Putting Down Your Devices
When my kids approach me, I close my laptop or put away my phone and try to give them my full attention. Devices don’t grow up and leave home. Children do. Giving more time to your children than your devices is one of the main things you’ll never regret. I don’t always get this right, but when I do, I can tell it’s worth it.
4. Being Hands-On
Hands-on parenting includes things like knowing where your kids are all the time, eating dinner together, monitoring kids’ online activity, and knowing their friends. Research shows that parents who knew where their kids were at all times raised kids who were less likely to smoke, drink, get drunk, use illegal drugs or abuse prescription drugs. Being hands-on takes extra effort, but it’s something you’ll never regret.
5. Teaching Them About God
We can’t force our children to make faith a part of their lives, but we can share our faith with them and model for them what it looks like. A wise man said, “God is an ever-present help in times of trouble.” I want my children to have that help as they move through life.
6. Doing a Parenting 180
When the kids were getting ready for school in the mornings, I would bark at my daughter, “Come on! You’re going to make us late!” But I would be sweet and patient with my younger child: “Come on, buddy. Do you need help finding your shoes?” My husband pointed it out to me, and I was initially defensive. But after some self-reflection, I realized he was right. Don’t let pride keep you from making a drastic change when you see one is necessary.
7. Getting the Giant Car
I’m a research nerd. So when I read what the experts said about big, clunky cars being safer for teenagers, we bought my daughter the big, used, non-cool car.
8. Working on Your Marriage
When my marriage is strong, my home feels strong, and that’s the environment I have always wanted for my kids. If your marriage is struggling, we have valuable marriage resources available to you. Sometimes it’s difficult to put your husband before your kids, especially when they’re so vocal about their needs, and he might never tell you his. But the work you put into your marriage doubles as the work you’re putting in for your family.
9. Letting Them Quit Violin
I understand the importance of teaching our children to follow through, but changing course is OK when something isn’t a good fit for your child. I wanted to instill a love of music in my daughter, but after many years of lessons, we both realized it wouldn’t come through the violin.
10. Taking the Trip
We never redid our back yard, painted our house, or spent a lot of money on nice cars. But we did travel as much as we could. Whether to a state park or a big birthday visit to a big city, I don’t regret making those memories—even if our back yard is still a disaster. Experiences create memories and are worth the investment.
What are the things you’ll never regret in your parenting?
