I tucked my son into his stroller, handed him a teether, and headed down the sidewalk. Lucky for me, I had a coffee shop just a few blocks away. Happy I had a plan for the morning, I’d put on makeup and jeans, excited to do something for myself. My son, just a couple months old, stared up at the sky as I walked. “Look!” I said. “A birdie!” I’d heard narrating everything was good for him, so I prattled on, all the way to the coffee shop, where the welcoming smell of coffee beans ushered me inside and up to the counter to place my order.
Going to the coffee shop gave me a sense of purpose and a little structure to my morning. I wasn’t a coffee drinker when my son was born, but by the time he could walk, I relied on caffeine to keep me going in the afternoons. Friends always said to “sleep when your baby sleeps,” but I ignored them. Now I wish I’d listened more to the older and wiser moms in my network. They were right about so much! I would’ve been a lot less stressed in the moment and more equipped for the present, now that my kids are in double-digits. From one mom to another, here’s my list of 15 tips for new moms I wish I’d had (and followed).
1. Sleep more than you think you should.
Using caffeine to keep me going wasn’t good for my relationship with my husband. If I’d gotten more sleep, I know I would’ve been less snippy and better able to handle stress.
2. Doctors and other professionals often err on the side of caution.
A small bump on my baby’s head caused me a flurry of worry and a trip to the hospital for nothing. My baby just needed to spend more time on his tummy.
3. Germs are not all bad.
Our pediatrician told me to “let her play in the dirt.” I did and a dozen years later, my daughter rarely—if ever—gets sick. She built up a lot of the good germs that fight infection. (Please note: She always washes her hands before she eats!)
4. If it stresses you out, don’t do it.
The children’s museum stressed me out. It wasn’t necessarily finding parking or paying for tickets. It was the passive-aggressive parents who corrected my toddler for not sharing and then talked about it as if I weren’t right there listening. I didn’t have to keep going back.
5. Find mom-centered and not just child-centered activities.
Try to find women with common interests and not just children the same age. Join a library book club or a running club. Your mind and body will thank you long after the pacifier talk is done.
6. Don’t feel guilty about taking time for yourself.
If it feels good doing so, turn over childcare to someone else and do things that will recharge your batteries. A little shopping? A massage? A solo bike ride?
7. “Normal” has a wide range.
I worried about what was normal way too much—when my son walked or when my daughter talked. There’s such a wide range of normal and even if it’s at the far end, guess what: still normal.
8. Lean on your husband more. Ask for help.
I would tell my younger self to stop trying to control everything and trust my husband more.
9. Strength train.
In 10 years, cardio will not have been enough to keep you injury-free and feeling good. Bodyweight squats and lunges are a great start, three times a week.
10. Forget FOMO.
Ask yourself if it’s going to matter a year (or even a month) from now. Prioritize your own well-being when making the decision.
11. Nothing has to be perfect.
Don’t rent a bounce house for your child’s birthday party unless it’s something you want. Other things that don’t have to be perfect: the kids’ clothes, your house, and meals.
12. Your baby is not your boss.
Sometimes I forgot this. He cried and I came running. You’re in charge, not him. It’s better if he learns this sooner than later.
13. It’s not your job to please everyone.
Don’t let somebody guilt-trip you into doing something if you’re not comfortable. It doesn’t matter if it’s your friend or your mother-in-law.
14. Start a skincare routine that includes SPF.
Protect your skin now to fight wrinkles and dark spots that will otherwise come when your children hit middle school.
15. You don’t have to start lessons of any kind (if you don’t want to).
If you’ll have fun taking your daughter to violin lessons when she’s three, then do it. If not, there’s no harm in waiting a few years.
What other tips for new moms would you offer our community?
