I rested my head on my pillow and thought, This is the best part of the day. Leading up to that moment, I’d lost my patience with everyone in the house and had to hold back tears when I thought about everything left to do before I could call it a night. I know I’m not alone. So many moms feel drained, emotionally spent, and like we’re running on fumes. This state of exhaustion has a name: Depleted Mother Syndrome.
Motherhood is a blessing. Full stop. But when the demands—the sleepless nights, the endless needs, the constant worry—outweigh your capacity to cope, your emotional and physical reserves get depleted. But depleted mother syndrome isn’t a diagnosis; it’s a sign that something needs to shift. So here’s a quiz (grab pen and paper) to see if you need to make changes—and some ideas that can have a real impact.
Step 1:
For each of the 10 statements below, answer with one of the following:
a) Not at all
b) A little
c) Somewhat
d) Moderately so
e) Very much so
1. I get/feel easily irritated with my children.
2. I feel that I am not the good parent I used to be to my child(ren).
3. I wake up exhausted at the thought of another day with my children.
4. I find joy in parenting my children.
5. I have guilt about being a working/busy parent, which affects how I parent my children.
6. I feel like I am in survival mode as a parent.
7. Parenting my children is stressful.
8. I lose my temper easily with my children.
9. I feel overwhelmed trying to balance my job and parenting responsibilities.
10. I am doing a good job being a parent.
Step 2:
Score each statement. For all questions except questions 4 and 10, use these point values.
a) Not at all = 0 points
b) A little = 1 point
c) Somewhat = 2 points
d) Moderately so = 3 points
e) Very much so = 4 points
For questions 4 and 10, use reverse scoring.
a) Not at all = 4 points
b) A little = 3 points
c) Somewhat = 2 points
d) Moderately so = 1 point
e) Very much so = 0 points
Step 3:
Calculate the total score.
0–10 Points: No or few signs of burnout
11–20 Points: Mild burnout
21–30 Points: Moderate burnout
31+ Points: Severe burnout
Changes That Can Help With Depleted Mother Syndrome
If you scored 0–10 points, keep doing what you’re doing. And reply in the comments with tips to stay energized!
If you scored between 11 and 20 points, you’re experiencing mild burnout. You’re doing pretty well, but there are still things you can do help yourself feel less drained. If you’re on screens a lot, try designating 30 tech-free minutes each day. Do something in that half hour that helps you feel relaxed like taking a walk or washing and moisturizing your face. If you can’t get kid-free time, do an activity that refreshes you like baking cookies to take to a neighbor or coloring.
If you scored between 21 and 30 points, you have moderate burnout and need to identify the main stressors. If you said “Duh, it’s my kids,” fair enough. But what specifically about your day or week piles on the stress? Hectic school mornings? Try implementing a new routine where the kids don’t come to breakfast until they are fully dressed, shoes and all. Or wake them up 10 minutes earlier and see how it changes the pace of the morning. Or is it all the driving you do that has you feeling depleted? Try driving in silence for one leg of the trip and practice breathwork during that time.
If you scored more than 31 points, you have severe burnout. Don’t believe the lie that being a mom should be easy because you love your kids. Parenting well and with intention is hard work. And the fact that you’re tired means you’re giving it your all. It doesn’t have to be this way, though. A mental health professional can help you find better balance and feel less depleted.
How did you score? What do you think contributes to your level of depletion?
