“What do you mean you don’t want an official tour!? Why are we even going then?” I texted my oldest daughter back. We’d been planning on visiting colleges during her junior year. However, now that it came time to schedule her first tour, she’d texted to say she didn’t want one. “Julia can show us around, and then we can explore Lexington. I can do the official tour online.”
I’m not gonna lie. Visiting colleges can be stressful for everyone for many reasons. And checking out schools looks way different now than back in the day. However, one thing hasn’t changed: Your teen still needs your guidance and support. It just might look different than expected. Follow these 5 field-tested methods to make the most of visiting colleges (while empowering your teen along the way!).
1. Let her take the lead.
Leave your keys to the helicopter at home. Or better yet, pass them to your teen and let her fly. It’s what you really want her to be able to do in college anyway, right? Taking a step back now and letting your teen lead the process of visiting colleges motivates her to take ownership of figuring out her next steps after high school. Plus, you encourage her to become self-sufficient, informed, and confident in her choices all while still under your watchful eye.
Questions to talk about together: Do you want a small school or a big school? One close by or farther away? How far away is too far? How close is too close? What majors spark an interest? Do you want to play sports, go through rush, or be involved in other ways? What about the area around the school? Does it matter if it’s in a city, small town, or near specific industries?
2. Set expectations and goals for visiting a school.
Your teen might not want an official guided tour, but you do. You might already have a list of financial questions you want answered. But, instead of the numbers associated with tuition, your teen might care more about the number of students sharing a bathroom in the dorms. Maybe your teen wants to catch a glimpse of the stadium and the engineering school whereas you want to grab a meal from that little place your friends discovered on their kid’s college tour.
Questions to talk about together: What’s important for you to learn or see about this school? What about the town or city? What do you hope to learn by visiting? What is a must-do or must-see for you? What do you not care about when checking out a school? Do you want to set up a meeting with the chair of a department of interest?
3. Encourage exploration and reflection.
By visiting colleges, your teen will encounter lists of majors and career paths she’s not been exposed to before. That’s a great thing because most teenagers don’t really know what they want to do after high school. “This is the first adult decision of your children’s lives,” says Keith Moon, associate dean of Harvard’s Summer School Program. “It’s important to empower your child to make the decision that’s best for them.” So, after visiting colleges, coach her to assess what she saw, learned, and felt while at each school.
Questions to talk about together: What surprised you about the school? Do any of the majors at this school sound interesting? Which ones? Could you see yourself at this school? Did anything give off a red flag vibe? What kind of lifestyle do you want after college? Would this school help or hinder that lifestyle? Do you want to keep this school on the list?
4. Support your teen’s decision-making process.
With her still-developing brain, your child needs your coaching on how to make such a significant and complex decision. So, help her figure out how to think through and compare her various options. Your child might want to draft pro/con lists for each school, talk with alums or current students, and even pray about the decision. Teach her to trust her own voice and internal “gut.” And, Mom, when your teen pushes back about talking college stuff (which she will!), work on some of these ideas to get her talking.
Questions to talk about together: How can I best support you? How will you evaluate each school? Would you like my opinion or thoughts? Would it help if I put together something that shows you the cost differences between schools?
5. Celebrate the steps.
On social media, visiting colleges looks like so much fun. And it is! But, it can also be fraught with tension and arguments. It’s essential to pause and take in this milestone. So grab a cup of coffee on campus. Take a photo at the entrance. And, of course, create a college road trip playlist with your favorite tunes.
When thinking about visiting colleges with your teen, what worries you the most?
