I didn’t really notice it after school. But once he got his teeth brushed, anxiety popped out of its hiding place. He sat in bed, a list of worries rolling off his tongue. I rubbed his back and felt the tension in his muscles. At this time of day, he should be relaxed and feel like mush. But no. I could feel the nighttime anxiety under my palm as I tried to figure out how to release it so he could sleep.
Worry can stop our kids in their tracks: from trying new things, from going to school, and from doing things without us. Kids who have anxiety may become irritable or fidgety, have negative thinking, be overly self-conscious, clingy, or experience stomach pain and headaches, says parenting expert Tanith Carey. Anxiety can also lead to trouble sleeping. But we can make some powerful moves to help. Here are 7 ways to soothe a child’s nighttime anxiety.
1. Provide time earlier in the day to talk about it.
“What’s on your mind?” I asked. “You have 15 minutes to give me all your worries.” If my kid’s going through a rough patch, he needs that space to talk, so his worries won’t threaten his sleep at night. We’ll either walk the dog or play some ping-pong and during that time, he knows he has my ear. It’s funny because his worries never seem as bad earlier in the day. But by giving him this opportunity, he’s better able to fall asleep later on and avoid nighttime anxiety.
2. Tell her you’ll talk about it with her tomorrow and focus on gratitude instead.
Bedtime isn’t the time for your child to go through all her worries. Plus, everything looks worse at night—and tends to look better in the morning. So don’t allow your child to go down that rabbit hole. Instead, ask, “What are you grateful for today? Give me two things.” Research in the National Library of Medicine finds gratitude and positive thinking are linked to better sleep.
3. Have him place it in your hands.
This worked when my child was younger, but I still offer my teen the chance to hand me his worries. Obviously, you can’t see worries, but I cup my hands and he goes through the motions of placing them inside. He’s told me, “It’s not gonna work,” but I tell you it does. When I’ve done this for him, I listen later for restless movement or footsteps to the bathroom and hear only silence. Similarly, God wants us to give our worries to Him. Talk to your child about this, and then say a prayer for peace.
4. Encourage your child to write down his worries.
If your child has a lot running through his head, it might help to get it out on paper. “If a person’s nighttime anxiety stems from worrying about tasks they must complete in the future, research suggests that writing before bed may help,” says the Sleep Foundation. My kid has written down reminders like “pack charging cord” and “talk to [math teacher] about question #13.”
5. Validate her, and let her know it’s normal.
When worries crop up at night and a child starts to overthink, her nighttime anxiety could keep her up. Let your child know it’s OK to feel how she feels. Kids “often think there’s something wrong if they are stressed,” says Carey. “Explain that worry is a normal part of being human, and it motivates us to act.” This reassurance could lower her stress level.
6. Make sure he gets enough physical activity during the day.
An increased heart rate, headaches, stomachaches, dizziness, sweating, and restlessness are all symptoms of nighttime anxiety and can keep a child awake at night. And it’s really concerning to see your kid going through it. To help ease his mind, encourage him to be active during the day. The Sleep Foundation says regular exercise can reduce anxiety and improve sleep.
7. If you have something on your mind that could be stressful for your child, save it.
I’ve been guilty of bringing up topics at night that make my kid worry—and it’s typically because I’m worried about them. Have you picked a topic for your paper? Who’s in your group for the field trip? Are you going to check out that new club? If your child’s prone to worrying, save your questions for the morning. Putting your stress on them to ruminate about at night will only keep them up.
What are some tips you have to share with our community about handling nighttime anxiety?
