I finally landed my dream job and felt ready. During my years of applying for the role, I shadowed other professionals, kept up-to-date on the experts, and interviewed women already doing the job. Plus, the position entailed a nine-month onboarding process. Unfortunately, even with all that preparation, I panicked when it came time for me to fully step into the role.
I mean, why would any hospital send me home with a newborn? Didn’t they see I wasn’t really ready? I didn’t know what I was doing. Nursing didn’t come naturally. My swaddle looked more like an open-faced sandwich than a burrito. And all the other new moms seemed to know what they were doing for real. I was only pretending. If you’ve ever felt like a fake in motherhood, too, learn how to overcome imposter syndrome in women and step fully into the joys of raising your child.
What is motherhood imposter syndrome?
The Motherhood Edition of imposter syndrome in women is the nagging sense that you’re not measuring up as a mom. It involves self-doubt, fear, and the belief that everyone else has this motherhood thing figured out. (We don’t. Even that “perfect” mom on Instagram you follow struggles sometimes.) After all, the thing about motherhood is just when we get the hang of a particular season or developmental stage, our kids experience a growth spurt, start a new school year, or suddenly refuse to eat macaroni and cheese.
Imposter syndrome in women isn’t limited to motherhood either. Seventy-five percent of women executives have suffered from imposter syndrome. So, for some of us, we feel like a fake at home and at work.
What causes it?
Let’s start with how comparison culture sparks motherhood imposter syndrome. It’s easy to get sucked into the false belief that we’re inadequate when comparing our messy, real-life moments to the polished images carefully curated and edited to post online. This constant bombardment of perceived perfection creates a distorted reality and false narrative that everyone else has it together.
And then, there’s the fear of judgment. We worry about being seen as less competent if our parenting choices look different from what everyone else seems to be doing. The fear of being judged by others can be paralyzing. This fear increases our stress and the volume of our internal criticism about everything from our breastfeeding choices, discipline methods, or our work-life balance.
Oh, and we should also mention our culture’s expectations of moms. Our culture often paints motherhood with a one-size-fits-all brush, portraying the “perfect” mom as always selfless, sacrificing, and available. The gap between this expectation and reality triggers feelings of failure and reinforces imposter syndrome in women.
How can you overcome it?
Motherhood is hard. Some days, you’re winging it, and some days, you mess up. That doesn’t make you a fake. That just makes you a perfectly imperfect mom like the rest of us. And, Mom, your child loves you. She trusts you, feels safe with you, and will always need you—the real you. Not the unrealistic expectation of the perfect you.
When you struggle with feeling like an imposter, admit it to another mom. You’ll quickly discover we’ve all felt that way. What would you say if your best friend said she struggles with imposter syndrome? You’d probably point out all the reasons why she’s a great mom. So why not say the same thing to yourself? Tell yourself you’re a patient listener, a naptime ninja, or a teen whisperer. Be kind and compassionate to yourself.
Let go of unrealistic expectations of what motherhood “should” look like. Instead, embrace what motherhood looks like for you. Maybe it’s glitter on the floors and Friday night movie nights. Or maybe it’s working toward your career dreams as a single mom. Or maybe motherhood looks like parallel parenting with an ex-husband, balancing speech and occupational therapies for your child, or something else entirely.
Limit your time on social media or unfollow those accounts that stir up comparisons in your heart. Replace the time spent by writing down how you loved your child well that day. You’re doing your best, Mom, and your best is pretty amazing. I see it. Your child sees it. It’s time for you to see it, too.
In what situations do you find imposter syndrome creeping in, and how do you work to overcome or manage those feelings?
