A text came in from a number I didn’t have in my phone. I tapped it and saw a long message from the mom of one of my son’s classmates. She was careful with her words as she asked me to question my son about an incident at school. He’s not one to get involved in kid drama, but I asked anyway. From what he said, it sounded like this mom had a right to be upset about how her son had been treated by another student.
Then she asked if I’d email the administration.
Oh boy. I felt for her. I wanted to help. But was it my place? Do moms look out for other kids, or do we mind our own business? What if you hear about a kid misbehaving? When you hear about another kid’s drama, ask yourself these 3 questions before you get involved.
1. Is a child at risk?
This was the deciding factor for me. I emailed a very matter-of-fact message to the teacher because the issue had been going on for a while, and according to the mom, it was continuing to escalate. My son said it had gotten physical. Now, the kids involved are at risk emotionally, physically, and academically because they could get suspended or expelled.
There are times to keep your nose out of someone’s business and times it’s right to step in. In my gut, I felt like it was right to speak up. Moms need to know that other parents will defend and advocate for their kids. We’re not meant to parent from fenced-in silos. We need to join with other parents to pour into the lives of each other’s kids and look out for them.
2. Do you have a bias?
My friend Kara’s daughter had a run-in with another player on her volleyball team, and the issue made it all the way to the assistant principal. When Kara’s daughter told her the mean player was at it again, but with another girl, Kara got fired up and went to shoot off an email. She wrote the entire thing but then deleted it after realizing she was still upset about what happened with her girl and that it wasn’t right for her to get involved.
Before you step in, if the drama is with a kid your child has had an issue with, ask yourself if you might have an ulterior motive for getting involved. On the other hand, if the kid drama involves the child of a friend of yours, you really need to consider whether you can be fair with your observations and what you say.
3. Will your involvement help or just stir the pot?
Survey the situation before you report something to a teacher or tattle on a kid to his parents. Do the adults in the child’s life already know something’s going on? Is the detail you have to share gossip or hearsay? Has another adult already stepped in, and your details are just going to pile onto the situation?
If you find out another mom’s child is up to no good, ask yourself what you’d want done for yourself and your child in this situation. Would it feel like help or meddling? Do you feel like your heart and intentions are directed at what’s best for the child? These questions require some time to carefully discern, and you might even find that waiting to step in gives you the clarity you need.
When do you think it’s right to get involved in kid drama or problems?
