“Toddlers are like cats. If they happen to listen and obey, it’s not because you’ve trained them. It’s because they felt like it.” My grandpa had a way with words. While the thought made me chuckle as I wrangled my 2- and 3-year-old boys around his house, I didn’t want to accept it as true. I knew it was possible to set rules for toddlers.
Of course, every child is different, and some require more energy from Mom and Dad. But there are a few things you can do to make rules for toddlers sink in a little better. Here are three that research shows are effective. I saw them work with my cats kids, so give them a try with yours.
1. Focus on “do,” not “don’t.”
Toddlers’ brains are rapidly developing, and they’re eager to understand cause and effect. According to a study published in the International Journal of Early Childhood, toddlers learn best through positive reinforcement, or what to do. They’re looking for direction, and “don’t” gives them little to work with. In fact, there’s more research that says that the brain can’t process the word “don’t,” and the child might even be more inclined to do the forbidden action.
So, pause before you speak, and think about the behavior you want to see. “Don’t run on the sidewalk” becomes “Let’s walk like a penguin on the sidewalk. Waddle waddle!” A positive approach to rules for toddlers gives them something specific to strive for instead of simply avoiding negative behavior. This technique also helps you avoid power struggles. When a toddler hears constant “no’s,” it can trigger defiance. By focusing on the “do,” you’re offering guidance without triggering a negative reaction.
2. Keep it short and sweet, and put it to a tune.
Keep it simple, Mom! Toddlers have short attention spans and limited processing power. Long, complicated rules will go over their heads. Use short, clear phrases that are easy to understand and repeat. For example, “Waaaaalk please” is much more effective than “Don’t run in the grocery store.”
Adding a melodic tone can help your toddler comprehend and retain the rule. Sing simple rules like “Clean up time, clean up time, toys go in the bin!” This makes learning fun and helps the message stick.
3. Make consistency king.
Imagine trying to learn a new language, but the pronunciation rules keep changing. That’s what it’s like for toddlers with inconsistent rules. Consistency is crucial for effective learning. Your little one will be confused if throwing food gets a “food’s for our mouths, not floors” one day and a laugh the next.
Consistency is the foundation upon which all other rules are built. When you and the other adults in your toddler’s life enforce rules consistently, it helps her understand expectations and feel secure in her environment. This consistency teaches your toddler what to expect and helps her learn self-regulation.
When it’s hard, remember it’s worth it.
Setting rules for toddlers can feel overwhelming at times, kind of like my grandpa’s theory on cats. But by focusing on positive language, consistency, and a little creativity, you can create a foundation for a happy, well-adjusted child. Bonus: You’ll enjoy the learning and exploration that characterize the toddler years even more.
What rule do you sing to your toddler?
