My sister was three grades ahead of me in school. I remember being so excited for fourth grade because I’d finally have the teacher who my sister claimed gave the best hugs. But in a strange twist, not only did the teacher not rank as a favorite of mine, but she also brought me to tears several times. We absolutely did not click.
Sometimes teachers and kiddos just don’t mesh. So what do you do? Make your child stick it out? Talk to administration? Research shows that students who feel supported and cared for by their teachers are more likely to develop self-regulation skills and a love of learning, so it’s worth it to take action. Here are 5 ideas for what to do if a kid doesn’t like a teacher.
1. Look for signs of trouble.
Unlike a high schooler who probably makes her feelings for a teacher quite clear, a younger child might not express her feelings verbally. Look for other signs of a rocky relationship like extra tears over issues unrelated to school, decreased motivation, acting out, and stalling at bedtime. Increased anxiety is another sign, and it can manifest physically, so track those complaints of tummy aches.
2. Open the lines of communication with your child.
If you’re asking what to do if a kid doesn’t like a teacher, the answer is not to email administration at the first sign of distress. Ask your child about what’s happening in the classroom. Does she not like the teacher’s style of leading discussions? Does your child say the teacher singles him out, or is it a class-wide issue? Could it be that your child doesn’t like the increased rigor of this school year?
One of my sons complained for weeks about a teacher. After a bit of digging, I discovered that his main beef was that she had fewer classroom parties than his previous teachers. I had to break it to him that it wasn’t the teacher’s fault and that the number of parties was going to continue to dwindle.
As you have these chats, try to keep a positive tone. The teacher still deserves your child’s respect, and speaking negatively about her might give your child the impression he can do the same.
3. Ask yourself the tough questions.
When you’re thinking about what to do if a kid doesn’t like a teacher, ask yourself if the source of the problem is that your child needs a different learning environment. Some kids don’t do well in classes with too many children, and others need an extra challenge. Your child might have a teacher who isn’t trained to teach the way he needs whereas instructors from years past have been able to make it work.
Another factor to consider is how much school your child has missed. While absences shouldn’t affect the way teachers treat students, chronic absenteeism can make it difficult for the teacher to help your child stay up to speed. A perceptive child might pick up the teacher’s frustrations. It can also make it harder for a child to connect with a teacher and her specific classroom management style.
4. Take a collaborative approach.
A couple of months into second grade, a friend’s daughter started dreading school. My friend called a parent-teacher conference and was respectful but frank. She said, “I’m sure she’s exaggerating, but she keeps saying all you do is yell. Can you shed any light on this?” The teacher admitted she’d yelled a few times, but also said she was struggling to keep control of this wild bunch. This conference taught the teacher that the girl was very sensitive to yelling, and my friend told her daughter she needed to be a leader in class and encourage kids to cool it.
Once you have a clearer picture of the situation with your child, a parent-teacher conference can lead to more open communication.
Approach it with a collaborative spirit, focusing on solutions rather than blame. Here’s iMOM’s free Parent-Teacher Conference Worksheet.
5. Empower your child.
You can’t force your child to love his teacher, but you can give him tools to get through the school day. Talk about how it’s OK not to like everyone, including teachers. Encourage communication by role-playing scenarios. One of my sons’ teachers talked really fast, which made my son nervous to speak up. We practiced how to respectfully ask a question like, “I’m sorry if I didn’t hear you say this, but can you please repeat what pages we’re supposed to read?”
Don’t forget to empower your child by celebrating small wins. Acknowledge and celebrate your child’s efforts and progress, regardless of his or her rapport with the teacher.
Did you ever have a problem with a teacher? How did you get through it?
