“Are you going to the street party tonight?” my daughter’s friend Elsa asked. “It’ll be fu-un!” I could picture the food trucks, the kids’ tent, and the band warming up. “Mom, can we?” My daughter gave me a funny look. I think part of her didn’t want to miss out on a good time. But another part wanted to stay home and rest. It’d been a busy week with lots of afterschool obligations. It seemed two competing emotions fought for her attention: Fear of Missing Out (FOMO) and Joy of Missing Out (JOMO).
In the end, JOMO won. Our family had a great evening staying home, watching a movie. Choosing joy over choosing fear is a good feeling. And there are things we can do to help our kids find more JOMO in life. Here are 4 ways to nurture it with your children.
1. Remind kids they have choices.
“The meaning of JOMO is really embracing the idea of just finding joy and contentment, of opting out or missing out on activities, and prioritizing your self-care,” says psychologist Susan Albers. It doesn’t mean skipping all social activities but being more choosey with what you do.
Asking questions is a great way to get kids thinking: Do I really want to do this? Teach your kids they don’t have to say yes to every social situation. Knowing they have a choice can help them figure out who they are and what they really like.
2. Schedule regular breaks from screens.
Many of the girls in my daughter’s fourth-grade class had gotten into Facebook messenger. A friend told me her daughter Crystal and another girl messaged all weekend, and Crystal’s friend talked nonstop about her new hamster. Next thing you know, Crystal wanted a hamster too. She had a little FOMO about raising a rodent. Crystal’s wise mother reminded her of the joy of missing out: no smelly cage to clean, no noisy hamster wheel keeping you up at night, and no allowance spent on hamster food.
As kids get older, screens and social media will be become more of a temptation. “To encourage more JOMO and less FOMO, parents can help guide kids toward personal contentment with more phone-free activities such as reading, journaling, face-to-face conversations, [and] outdoor activities,” advises McAfee. And if she still wants a hamster? Well, if the JOMO of no screens equals a new pet, maybe it’s worth it?
3. Engage in downtime.
For some of kids, it’s go-go-go all the time, am I right? School. Lessons. Appointments. Playdates. But for kids who are more introverted, JOMO is a relief to all the stimulation of school and social activities. It can be the needed break from all the busyness. Even extraverted kids can have too much of a good thing. And downtime can be the answer—something we all need periodically to recharge.
Writer Iva-Marie Palmer says, “Where FOMO can cause anxiety and even physical symptoms like sweating or panic,” JOMO is the opposite. It’s about leaving stress behind, not worrying about being productive or teaching kids a skill. Rather, it’s the joy of leaving all that behind.
4. Encourage independent thinking.
“Do you want to go the game because you’re afraid of missing out? Or is it something you truly want to do?” my friend Katie asked her son Parker. She knew he wasn’t a big basketball fan, and he didn’t get excited when another mom volunteered to take the boys. “I don’t want to look like a loser if I don’t go,” Parker said. She reminded him that the game would be several hours, he’d get home late, and he’d have to wake up early for church the next morning. Parker ended up deciding he’d rather stay home. As psychologist Susan Albers says, “Sometimes, all you need is to take a moment to pause and evaluate what you truly get joy out of before you jump in.”
“JOMO reminds us that we can not only not fear that we are missing something important, but actually enjoy missing something,” said associate professor Tali Gazit. Talking it through with her son helped Katie put the evening in perspective for him. Parker then got to spend the evening hitting tennis balls at the park with his family—a game he truly enjoyed.
How have you and your kids experienced JOMO in recent weeks?
