I’m not the fun parent. I’m the practical, play-it-safe, hold-down-the-fort one. My husband? He’s the adventurous, play-it-loose, build-the-fort kind of parent. During the early years, I found myself secretly wishing he’d parent more my way. The house (and the kids!) would be cleaner. I know I’m not the only mom battling over varying parenting styles with a spouse.
While it’s not a universal truth, moms tend to focus on emotional connection and nurturing, which depend on safe and secure environments. Dads often bring an element of playfulness, independence, and exploration to parenting. Our different approaches can make it feel like a tug of war, but kids thrive with both. Take a look at these 5 things dads do differently and why it’s not really a battle of moms vs dads.
1. The Rowdy Roughhousing
Dads often corner the market in horseplay. You won’t see many moms tossing kids up in the air or trying out headlocks on her kids. And, after pulling off a relaxing bedtime routine, it definitely won’t be us instigating a tickle fight instead of a tuck-in.
Well, guess what! Research shows roughhousing with Dad actually helps your child regulate her responses and emotions. “You might have to control your strength, learn when things have gone too far—or maybe your father steps on your toe by accident and you feel cross!” explains Dr. Paul Ramchandani. “It’s a safe environment in which children can practice how to respond. If they react the wrong way, they might get told off, but it’s not the end of the world—and next time, they might remember to behave differently.”
What’s a mom to do? Try to say “be careful” less often. Instead, listen to the joyful squeals as your child races around the house to avoid the “tickle monster,” and remember your husband loves your child just as much as you do.
2. The Parkour Parties
OK. These aren’t really parties. It’s just normal life, like walking up the stairs or crossing the street. Why can’t we just hold our child’s hand and act casual? Instead, a dad will grab a kid’s hand and leap sideways from one crosswalk line to the next, yelling, “Parkour!” My husband loved trying out the “Elf” splits with our girls on escalators. So, Mom, I get it!
While it might feel like moms vs dads, it’s really just a different way they move from Point A to Point B. All of those leaps and bounds actually help your child’s gross motor skills grow by, well, leaps and bounds. Your child develops body awareness and spatial reasoning and builds muscle strength.
What’s a mom to do? If parkour isn’t your kind of party, try some of these movement activities to do with little kids instead.
3. The “Let’s See What Happens” Experiments
My dad poured gasoline down the driveway and lit it on fire to teach us how flammable gasoline is. My mom was not amused. However, as teenagers, my sister and I never forgot why we needed to pay attention when pumping gas. While I definitely don’t advocate replicating my dad’s demonstration, hands-on experiments strengthen neural pathways and support memorization and retention. Plus, research published in the Applied Physical Science Journal shows students learn more when taught through hands-on activities.
What’s a mom to do? Get your hands dirty, too, with these explosive science experiments presented in a more organized way that your kid will love—and none of them involve setting anything on fire!
4. The Kid vs Kid Competitions
Forget about moms vs dads. Let’s talk about how dads can turn anything and everything into a competition with kids. Let’s see who can run to the swings first. Who can make the most free throws in a row? Who can balance the most books on their head? Let’s see who can build a LEGO car from scratch the fastest! Competition can be a great thing for kids. Even healthy sibling competition can encourage teamwork, sportsmanship, and self-improvement.
What’s a mom to do? Talk with your husband and get on the same page about the differences between healthy competition and creating competition that encourages sibling rivalry. The latter can lead to jealousy, resentment, and aggression toward one another.
5. The Sugar Rush Hour
“You get some sugar! And you get some sugar!” Moms might be the ones traditionally baking the cookies, but some days, it seems like dads are out there doling out the candy, soft drinks, and gummy snacks as if it’s someone’s birthday. But, in reality, it’s just an average Sunday afternoon. Why can’t they add in some fruit or protein?
What’s a mom to do? Why don’t you make these cool snacks your kids will love eating (almost) as much as those special treats? After all, some moms vs dads battles might be best fought by agreeing to disagree—and passing the veggies.
Which of these moms vs dads parenting scenarios do you battle?
