“Are you vacation mommy today or regular mommy?” My friend Lisa told me that was her daughter’s way of feeling her out. Like, is Mom gonna be fun today or serious? I smiled at the thought, but deep down, that question gutted me. Do my kids even have to ask? Am I ever “vacation mommy,” or am I always serious?
I tried to loosen up one day last year. One. We had a “yes day,” and I learned that saying yes isn’t as scary or risky as I make it out to be. I’ve decided I’m going to try to be a “yes mom” this summer and say yes more often than no. Who’s with me? C’mon. Make this your first yes! With these 5 pledges, we’ll get through it together.
1. To be a yes mom, I pledge to focus on what we have to gain.
On our yes day, one of my boys said, “Can I eat my Eggo frozen?” Most days, I would’ve said no because frozen waffles are gross. Not that day! Now, he eats a frozen waffle once a week for breakfast, and you know what? It saves me the trouble of pulling out the toaster.
Being a yes mom could make this your kids’ best summer ever, and not because they get to eat weird foods. They’ll gain a spirit of adventure and inquisitiveness, knowing you’ll probably give a thumbs up.
2. I pledge to ask why when I want to say no.
Why am I tempted to say no? Is there some legitimate concern, like the thing my kids asked to do is unsafe? (Yes, they’ve asked to get on the roof.) Or is it because “no” is just… easier?
Listen. I get it. We are all tired. We shouldn’t feel mom guilt for turning down a request to make brownies or drive our kids to the movies. But if no is our default because we don’t have the energy or desire to engage, that’s a sign we need to make some changes.
3. I pledge to wisely utilize “but.”
If being a yes mom all summer sounds impossible, remember you’ve always got “but.” It could make giving the green light less intimidating for you.
If your kids ask to stay up and watch a movie and it’s already after 10, instead of a hard no, you could try, “Yes, but we’re still going to church in the morning.” Sometimes, adding that stipulation is enough to make your kids consider whether the ask is worth it and could help them grow in responsibility.
4. I pledge to be more thoughtful.
The other night, my sons asked if they could take a lap around the neighborhood on their bikes. A bike ride wasn’t part of the series of events I’d laid out in my mind for the evening, so I said no. Then I paused and said, “Actually. Sure. You can take a lap, but then you need to take your showers.”
Sometimes, I think my kids need to see a mom who’s 100 percent confident in her every decision. Otherwise, they’ll smell my weakness, and I’ll lose all credibility. But what my kids need more is to notice me being intentional with the choices I make. When our kids see that our responses are thought out, they’ll be more likely to appreciate the yeses and abide by the nos.
5. I pledge to try to see things through their eyes.
Did your kids put on their suits and ask to play in the sprinkler just moments after you opened a water bill that made your eyes pop out of your head? Take a deep breath, remember that leaping through hose water is one of life’s simple pleasures, and give them 15 minutes to play.
In a survey on parenting in America by Pew Research, about four in 10 parents (41%) say being a parent is tiring, and 29% say it is stressful all or most of the time. The stress level most of us carry doesn’t help us be fun-loving, go-with-the-flow moms. So when my kids ask for something, I am going to try to set my stress aside and imagine how they see the situation as kids who (Thank God!) don’t have the same cares as me.
What’s one thing that holds you back from being a yes mom? Which of these pledges could help with that?
