“She enjoys it,” my friend Michelle said, telling me she’d signed up Sophie for the latest kids’ theater production in town. “Most people think she’s quiet,” Michelle went on. “But she’s really not. I think theater has given her more confidence to be herself around others.” And I realized she was right—the last time Sophie came over to play with my daughter, she had a lot to tell me. I hadn’t connected the dots until now, but maybe acting had given Sophie more inner strength.
Inner strength gives us confidence in ourselves and courage to persevere when we want to give up. Because the mother-daughter relationship is so important, we play an integral role in building our girls up. Here are 5 ways you can build your daughter’s inner strength.
1. Help her to find and grow her interests.
Inner strength is like soup. It’s made with a bunch of ingredients stirred together. To cook some inner strength in your child, help her find and then develop her interests. If she likes to paint, sew, or play basketball, encourage it. Then get excited with her. When you show interest in your daughter’s hobby, she’s going to have the desire to keep at it. Give her time to develop her skills because that’s when confidence, courage, and perseverance start to simmer.
2. Encourage independence.
When my daughter was younger, I liked watching her dance classes and volunteering for lunch duty at her school. But as she’s gotten older, I’ve tried to give her more space to do things without me. It’s good for her. It sends the message that I believe she can handle herself without me.
When our daughters try new experiences without us, they develop more courage and confidence. This will then feed their inner strength. So, for her sake, give your child opportunities to do things without you around—even if it’s something at home like practicing the piano or doing her homework.
3. Expose her to new experiences.
“I’m gonna sign you up for the girls’ coding class at the library,” I told my daughter a few years ago. She went, liked it, and later joined her school’s robotics team.
You never know what’s going to stick with kids. It takes bravery to try something new, and if she’s willing to, say, take pickleball lessons or go ice skating for the first time, praise her for her can-do mindset. She’s going to develop willpower and resilience by courageously stepping into something new. If she enjoys it and walks away with a positive experience, it’ll add to your daughter’s inner strength.
4. Empathize, listen, and connect with her.
I had some pretty crooked teeth as a kid and got teased a bit. I always went to my mom for support and to cry in her arms. My mom’s love and empathy helped me through those and many other tough times growing up. Columbia University’s Health Library states that “the single most important thing that gives children inner strength is having parents or other adults who are positive and nurturing.”
Spending time with your child, being there for her when she struggles, and validating her concerns all contribute to building her resilience. Help prepare your daughter for the future by making time for her now and validating her feelings when she’s struggling.
5. Build a positive inner voice.
My daughter and I drove to the pool one morning. She had practice, and I planned to swim laps. The problem? It was 7 a.m. and 65 degrees out. “We’re strong and tough and capable,” I chanted as we neared the park. I said it as much for my benefit as hers. But the thing is, what we say matters. If I tell my daughter she’s strong, she’s going to start telling herself she’s strong too. Columbia University says, “Parents have the greatest influence on a child’s belief about himself or herself.”
So, to build her inner strength and filter out any harsh self-criticism, help build her inner voice by voicing the truth. Point out what took courage and strength. “Hey, you were brave trying out for the play.” Tell her she’s done well, she’s important to you, and her opinions matter. Soon, your words will become the voice she hears even when you’re not around.
For advice on 7 Things a Daughter Needs From Her Father go to our fatherhood site, All Pro Dad.
Why do you think kids need inner strength?
