“There are some popular kids from school over there,” my teen daughter whispered at the library, tipping her head to one side. She said it in a way that made me wince because I could hear a teenage version of myself saying the same thing in the same way decades ago. I didn’t want her to worry about those kids, but adolescence seems to mix up a lot of self-doubt in our formerly carefree, confident girls.
But we can help our daughters regain that assurance because of our vital role in their lives. What we say matters. Instead of stepping back during the teen years, use your words to speak encouragement and confidence into your daughter’s ear. There are 15 messages all girls should receive from their moms. Here’s how to encourage your teenage daughter.
1. Speak up for yourself.
My daughter needs to know that life isn’t always fair. But if she feels wronged, I don’t want her to be afraid to defend herself.
2. Being popular doesn’t make someone automatically happy.
Happiness comes more from building self-esteem, working to achieve personal goals, and having gratitude for what you have.
3. Some people have issues we don’t know about, so give them grace.
I’ve told my daughter that another kid’s rudeness doesn’t mean it’s personal. Everyone’s working on something in their lives. Sometimes, other kids are struggling more than we realize.
4. You be you.
My daughter has no plans to get her ears pierced, and that’s fine by me. Support your daughter in her choices, and you’ll see she grows more confident knowing her mom loves her just the way she is.
5. Don’t let others discourage you from following your passion and dreams.
That includes you, Mom! Let’s let our daughters take the lead with their dreams and support them even if they’re different from our dreams for them.
6. If you’re having fun, keep doing what you’re doing, even if you’re bad at it.
Whether it’s singing, dancing, acting, or something else, encourage your teenage daughter to do what brings her joy.
7. Don’t feel pressured into doing something.
Gossiping. Drinking. Texting test answers. Ditching class. Posting inappropriate pics on Insta. Wearing a crop top. Let’s encourage our daughters to walk away from those who pressure her.
8. Have your own opinion—and don’t be afraid to voice it.
Give your daughter chances to voice her opinion at home so she gains confidence expressing her thoughts in the classroom and in her social circle.
9. Stand up for others when you see them treated poorly.
When my daughter told me she stood up to a boy at swim practice for picking on another kid, it was sweet music to my ears. Grow your daughter’s confidence by giving her opportunities to do things on her own so when the time comes, she’ll have the courage to go out on a limb for another who needs it.
10. You don’t have to be perfect.
I want my daughter to know that perfection isn’t attainable. Despite what she might see or read on social media, no one’s perfect. If she works hard in school and makes healthy choices, she’s going to be on the right track. If you’re wondering how to encourage your teenage daughter in day-to-day life, try pointing out your own imperfections.
11. It’s OK to be alone.
Even though it can be hard, being alone can play a big role in building personal character and figuring out who you are. And just because she’s still looking for new friends, it doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with her.
12. Safety is your top priority.
If my daughter gets into a situation where she doesn’t feel safe, I want her to know that she shouldn’t worry about offending other people if she needs to leave.
13. Saying no isn’t mean. It’s being assertive.
Whether it’s saying no to vaping, to sexual pressure, or to a peer who wants to copy her homework, I want my daughter to be able to say no. I want her to prioritize the right thing, the safe thing, and the healthy thing over everything else.
14. I love you no matter what.
So, the teenage years are going to test me. It’s what everyone says, and I’ve gotten a taste already. But I want my daughter to know that through the ups and downs of adolescence, there’s nothing she can say to me that’ll change how much I love her. It’s important for our daughters to know this.
15. Give your worries to God.
Pray every day. Through some rough times in high school, I remember how my mom prayed with me. All kids will have challenging days, and if you want to encourage your teenage daughter, you might consider teaching her how to pray if you haven’t already. Somehow, the burden feels lighter when I give my worries to God. I’m going to guide my daughter to do the same.
For advice on 7 Things a Daughter Needs From Her Father go to our fatherhood site, All Pro Dad.
If you want to know how to encourage your teenage daughter, you might try asking her. What did she say?
