“Well, I totally messed that up. Went down in flames. But tomorrow I get a chance to try again!” said no child I know. Failure is hard. Making mistakes is hard. Sometimes my kid will mope (or ruminate) about a mess-up for hours. And while it’s OK to feel upset, frustrated, and disappointed, we hope as moms that our kids will eventually (sooner than later) bounce back. Being able to look at the bright side when you’re feeling down, could help.
Are you a silver-lining kind of person? Do you want your kids to be? Teaching kids to be positive is something we all have to do. Here are 4 ways to help them look on the bright side.
1. Show her how to tweak her language.
Words are powerful, and I tell my kids all the time that how we speak to ourselves shapes our attitudes and outlook in life. If my kid says “I have to go to practice tonight” or “I have to call Samantha and talk about the assignment,” I’m encouraging her to change “have to” to “get to.” Getting to practice soccer means she’s healthy and able. Getting to call Samantha means she has a friend to talk to for a few minutes.
It’s a subtle shift, but focusing on the positive side of a situation can make something boring look like a blessing.
2. Teach him to go easier on himself.
“Hey, buddy. You’ve got an incredible drive, and tons of motivation, but let’s take a break and come back to this later.” He wanted to stay up and finish his homework, but at this hour, I knew he’d have a hard time focusing. Maybe your child’s out shooting baskets and getting down on himself for missing too many. Or maybe he’s working on a LEGO set but is getting frustrated because he keeps making mistakes. Teaching kids to be positive about what they’ve accomplished, instead of getting hung up on their failures can be challenging.
Teaching kids self-compassion and encouraging them to go easier on themselves can lead “to a lower risk for mental or physical health issues and to better odds of a longer life,” says Harvard Health Publishing. High standards are great, but the older kids get, the more important it’s going to be to be able to say “I did what I could here. Now I need to take care of myself.” That’s looking on the bright side.
3. Encourage a gratitude mindset.
My friend’s daughter is stressed about friendships. They’ve been shifting throughout the year, and she’s not sure who her “real” friends are anymore. We know kids face multiple sources of stress from where to sit at lunch to getting good grades, but pausing for a moment in gratitude for something—even if it’s minor—can provide the mental flip your kid needs to carry on through her day.
Feeling glad that you don’t need to wear a jacket to school, for example is a little thing to be grateful for. “Gratitude helps to reduce stress and anxiety by shifting our focus from negative thoughts to positive ones,” says Health Assured. It doesn’t take much to notice the good things in life or to thank God for little blessings. But it can positively impact your kid’s attitude—and it can grow with practice.
4. Help her make the most of what comes her way.
Star, my friend’s daughter, didn’t get hired for the part-time babysitting job she wanted last summer. But with her mom’s help, Star realized she had time to take driver’s ed classes instead. Because she’s only 14, she hadn’t even thought about learning to drive. But now she seized the opportunity.
Teaching kids to be positive and to find the joy in a bad or disappointing situation isn’t easy, but it’s a skill that’ll help them rebound quicker. And making the most of any situation simply hinges on a willingness to try.
Looking on the bright side can take some training. How are you teaching kids to be positive in your family?
