When my friend told me she was pregnant with baby number five, I blurted out, “How did you have the time or energy to make another baby?” I immediately apologized. “Sorry. That was a bit much.” But I let the question hang between us. “We have to get creative,” she said.
Maybe you’re not trying to have another baby, but you and your husband are in a dry spell caused by your kids’ need for attention or insatiable nosiness. A weekend away is great, but how often can you really do that? When you have no time for sex (and no privacy), it’s time to get creative with these 5 ways to sneak in alone time with your husband.
1. Tell the kids you need privacy to plan a surprise.
This works for a friend of mine. She and her husband tell their three kids, “Mommy and Daddy have an idea for something fun we can do as a family, but we need time to plan it.” They’ve already made that plan (go see a movie, get ice cream at the new shop), and they use the “meeting time” more wisely. They even tell the kids that interruptions or eavesdropping mean they call off the surprise.
2. Become lunchtime lovers.
Who says a date can’t happen at noon? If you or your husband have the flexibility to work from home or come home in the middle of the day, schedule a “business lunch.” The house will be quiet, and you’ll probably both go back to work with a better attitude.
3. Take a nap (or don’t).
For some parents, the problem isn’t that they have no time for sex—it’s that they have no energy. You can take one of two approaches to utilizing naptime for sex.
Option one: Instead of looking at your kids’ Saturday afternoon nap as a chance for you and your husband to get 30 minutes alone, take a power nap or close your eyes and take deep breaths to recharge. Option two: If you’re not a napper because you can’t slow your mind, and all you do is count the minutes until you have to wake up (or is that just me?), crank up the white noise machine, and lock your door. You might not have time for a full rendezvous, but it could be enough to reignite the flame.
4. Strategize with your sitter.
Planning an actual date night? If you have young kids, agree with your sitter that you’re staying out until the kids are asleep. She can give you the all-clear so romance doesn’t have to hit the brakes when you pull in the driveway.
If you have kids who, by sheer willpower, stay awake until they’re properly tucked in and smooched by you, all hope is not lost. Before you leave to go out, ask the sitter to take them for ice cream while you and your husband “get ready.” By the way, don’t tell your sitter why you’re doing these things. That would be weird.
5. Think outside the bedroom.
If you have older kids and that awkward “I know they know what we’re doing” feeling is making it hard to focus, a change of scenery could be your best bet. A friend has told me that she and her husband sneak off to the laundry room on occasion because their bedroom shares a wall with the kids’ bedroom. I don’t know about you, but my kids stay far away from the laundry room, so that sounds like an ideal spot! Maybe in your house it’s the walk-in-closet or basement. Love knows no bounds!
If none of these ideas would work for you, remember this…
If you have no time for sex and no privacy, remember that your kids knowing that you and your husband love each other and desire one another isn’t a bad thing. It’s actually a wonderful thing because it will give them a sense of security. So don’t freak out if you get walked in on, or your older kids give you the side-eye at breakfast. Your kids and your marriage are going to be just fine.
Got any creative ideas to sneak in time with your husband when the kids are always around?
