“Let Josie pick first,” I said while placing a steady hand on my 3-year-old’s shoulder. Miss Jane had just put out a pile of scarves for the families in music class. And my daughter always made a beeline for the hot pink one. But so did Josie, and today happened to be Josie’s birthday. By gently holding Emmy back, I guided her to consider her friend’s feelings first.
In its simplest terms, empathy is the ability to understand another person’s feelings. Teaching your child this relationship skill starts early, just like teaching her language does! If you’re wondering how can you teach empathy to your preschooler or toddler, share in these 5 everyday moments with your child and know that these “whens” are empathy wins, too.
1. When You Snuggle Her
Will you snuggle me? One day, your little one will ask you that question for the last time, but today probably isn’t that day for you. So, say yes! It’s good for you both because affectionate physical contact, like a sweet cuddle, promotes emotional bonding. When your child feels safe and secure, she’s more open to noticing and responding to the emotions and needs of others. Plus, when you snuggle, your brains release oxytocin, making you both feel good!
Make snuggling a regular part of your routine. Some families find it works best in the morning to help their child ease into the day. Others love cozying up under a blanket after a bath and reading books or listening to music together.
2. When You Build His Emotional Vocabulary
Your preschooler feels a full range of emotions but doesn’t come equipped with the full range of words to express them (yet!). Thankfully, as his mom, you’re probably already a Jedi Master at interpreting him. Research published in the Brain and Behavior Journal shows when moms serve as emotion coaches by giving their young children the words to label their emotions (and the why behind the feeling), children develop better empathy skills when compared to other children.
With your child, try using a feel wheel and simple phrases. It can sound like this: “I see you’re sad your
friend needed to go home. Playing together is fun, and I understand why you feel sad when the play date ends.”
3. When You Hug Her When She’s Hurting
Boo-boos and hurt feelings happen almost every day in the life of a mom with littles. It’s why we carry around bandages and open arms with us everywhere we go. (Oh, and snacks. We also carry lots of snacks with us, too, but that’s a different article.) When your child cries out in pain from a scraped knee or bruised heart, your hug encases her in comfort. You’re showing her in a (literal) hands-on way how to respond to others’ emotions.
Find opportunities for your child to respond to someone else’s emotions with comfort and care. For example: “Your sister had a fever last night and can’t play with her friend today. She feels sad about it. What do you think would help her feel better? What would help you feel better if you were her?”
4. When You Play Pretend With Him
You might notice your child “driving” in the back seat, putting a diaper on a favorite stuffed animal, or even “making” a video and “posting” it to TikTok with his toy phone. All of this imitation helps your preschooler experience the world from an external point of view. Imitating the behaviors seen around him lays the groundwork for the development of empathy.
Get pretending with your child! Let him “put on” the emotions and experiences of someone different from himself. Encourage your child to be “Mommy” or “Daddy” while you pretend to be the kid. Some kids love pretending to be their favorite TV show characters, such as Bluey or Daniel Tiger, so play along as someone else from the show.
5. When You Read to Her
Reading together gives your child a glimpse into someone else’s life and helps her practice noticing others’ perspectives, such as their emotions, reactions, culture, or abilities. Plus, as your child becomes emotionally invested in the characters and their journeys, she learns to identify and share the feelings of others. This emotional connection fosters an understanding of empathy.
Unless you’re a librarian, you might ask yourself, “How can you teach empathy through books?” Books that focus on feelings are always great choices. Or consider stories that offer a different perspective or situation unfamiliar to your child. For example, pick a story about a blended family, a child with special needs, or a book set in another country. As you read together, ask questions like: What if that happened to you? What if you lived in an apartment in the city? How do you think he felt when his classmates made fun of him? How would you feel?
Based on your own experiences, how can you teach empathy to a child through reading?
