“Can we get Zoe a box of this, please?” Emmy asked while chewing a spoonful of limited edition Frozen cereal. “It’ll help her feel better,” she crunched. At the height of the Frozen movie craze, I knew my daughter was sending me on mission impossible. Her own box came via my in-laws in another state. But, Emmy felt certain it would help her best friend and her family recover from the flu. So, mission impossible accepted.
Brain research shows that many children appear primed to learn empathy between the ages of 7 and 12. However, whether they show outward signs of empathy or not, our kids need our help to encourage and support their growing attempts. Embrace these 4 simple but effective ways for teaching empathy to your child.
1. Practice active listening with each other.
When you listen with intention, you focus on more than just hearing the words. Instead, the purpose shifts to understanding each other’s perspective, whether you agree or not, and sharing in the emotions. Active listening is a powerful tool for teaching empathy to elementary school children because it focuses on understanding, respect, and emotional awareness.
To practice active listening, use sentences like:
- “What I hear you saying is…”
- “I’m not sure I understood what you were saying about…”
- “It sounds as if you’re worried about… Do I understand you correctly?”
- “When you said you didn’t want to go to soccer practice, it made me think you might be feeling tired or overwhelmed. Is that right?”
2. Do regular family “check-ins” to talk about how everyone is feeling.
“Check-ins” can be as simple as asking questions at dinner, talking together in the car after school pickup, or setting aside a few minutes before bedtime. By engaging in these intentional moments, your child learns to recognize and articulate her own feelings, as well as understand and respect the emotions of the people closest to her. When your child sees her feelings acknowledged and respected by her family, she’s more likely to extend the same courtesy and und
erstanding to others. And, hey, if your child struggles with labeling the emotion, use our Feelings Wheel.
During your check-ins, ask questions like:
- “What is something that made you smile today?”
- “Was there a moment today when you and a friend had different opinions? How did you resolve it?”
- “How did you help someone today? How do you think it made that person feel? How did you feel?”
- “Did you feel angry today? What happened? How did you handle it?”
3. Encourage (and acknowledge) acts of kindness.
In a recent survey, 50% of moms said showing their children how to be compassionate and kind is the most important task of parenthood. It’s also a key component of teaching empathy. As a mom, when you recognize your child for his kind behaviors, he learns the importance of considering others’ feelings and the positive impact his own actions can have. This reinforcement not only boosts his self-esteem but also motivates him to continue being kind.
Over the next 30 days, take the Kindness Challenge for Moms, and take daily steps to focus on kindness in your whole family. After school, ask, “Did anyone in the class do something kind today? Did you? How did you feel about it?” This helps make your child more aware of the kindness around him and
how his acts of kindness impact others, too. Then, celebrate what you hear (or see). For example, “When you saw your classmate being left out at recess, you showed kindness by inviting him to play.”
4. Embrace differences and ensure everyone feels included.
“When children learn to take another person’s perspective and then empathize, they are much better equipped to successfully manage peer and adult interactions,” Dr. Bradford Wiles, a child development researcher, explains. “Empathy for others, whether they have special needs such as being in a wheelchair, or if they are just different from the child, has been demonstrated to have positive and long-lasting outcomes for children.”
Watch movies and read books that feature culturally diverse or differently-abled characters. Eat food from another culture or say yes when a neighbor invites your family to a holiday celebration you’d not typically celebrate. Teaching empathy can happen over a bowl of matzo ball soup, under the lights of a Diwali festival, and even by cheering on a friend at the Special Olympics.
How do you handle a situation where your child hurts someone’s feelings?
