“Do you remember when you broke your arm? You were sad because it hurt. But you didn’t let it stop you from having fun on the playground. You were such a tough cookie wearing that little pink cast!” My daughter didn’t actually remember the summer of her broken wrist, but she smiled anyway at the thought. Her younger self was tough! And hearing that gave her courage. Today, she had to get shots at the doctor’s office. Somehow, we made it through without a tear.
Kids can find strength from hearing stories from their past. When your child is feeling nervous or worried about something daunting that lies ahead, pull a story from her past. Here are 3 times your child’s past experiences can be a confidence builder and give her the strength she needs in the moment.
1. When You Want to Show His Previous Triumphs Over Struggles
When we moved to a new state, my son left two really good friends behind, and the prospect of making new ones worried him. “No one talked to me at recess,” he said the first day. “Well, buddy, you may have to say hi first. But you’ve done this before.” I told him how he made friends in his old neighborhood with James and Matty. “You saw James playing with trucks and that was something you liked. So, you brought a truck over and joined him.” With Matty, I said, “I remember he was new, and you were brave and asked him to play. You made friends easily,” I told him. “I know you can do it again.”
We want to give kids encouragement and hope to do hard things. Stories about your child’s past can help with that. As Eileen Kennedy-Moore, PhD says in her book Kid Confidence, “Telling stories about how your child struggled and then triumphed can contribute to creating a hopeful narrative and let her see beyond the current difficult situation.” It’s a confidence builder when you remind your child that he struggled and overcame it. And he can do it again.
2. When You Want to Give Her Confidence to Get Through a New Experience
“I’ve never done anything with robots before,” my daughter said, glancing up from the screen. I’d just shown her the virtual flyer advertising a new all-girls robotics team at her school. “Yes, but you love LEGOs,” I said. “And robotics is kind of like that.” I reminded her that building her first LEGO set took time because it was something new to her. But she’d studied the directions and restarted when she found a mistake. She’d figured it out.
Giving your child that type of reminder can help with new experiences. She’s done something hard in the past, enjoyed it, and succeeded. Trying something new, whether it’s theater, sports, or even a class elective, can feel daunting. But you can be a confidence builder for your child if you remind her of skills she’s used in the past and how she can apply them to this new experience in the present.
3. When You Want to Evoke Pride in His Accomplishments
As we left the pool after the swim meet, I said to my son, “I remember when you first tried to dive off the starting block. You were afraid to lead with your head. But you kept practicing and listening to your coaches, and now, you dive with no problem. You’ve really come a long way!” He beamed at me, and I knew he appreciated hearing this story.
As Kennedy-Moore says, “Don’t save these stories only for when your child is feeling sad and discouraged.” Using them when a relevant topic comes up “can help your child experience authentic pride.” These stories can serve as another way to build him up and reassure him that he already has big accomplishments under his belt.
If your child has a goal in mind, print out iMOM’s Progress Roadmap to plan the journey!
In what areas of his life can you be a confidence builder for your child?
