This is too hard. I can’t do it. I closed the door to my bedroom and faceplanted on the bed. They won’t listen. Nothing I say or do works. I give up. If you’ve uttered any variation of these words in your role as a mom, you’re not alone. Though we eventually do get up and keep going, sometimes these thoughts linger. I’m a terrible mom. You know it’s not healthy, but what do you do?
Our kids will challenge us because that’s how they’re figuring out their world and their role in it. What we can do is accept these challenges and grow with our kids. Here are 5 attitudes to refresh your parenting growth mindset so you can be the best mom you can be!
1. “I’m learning along with my child.”
I’ve struggled with a child who sometimes resists having a growth mindset, thinking I’ll never be good at this or even I’m a failure. It’s heartbreaking to hear those words. So, in my home, I’m trying hard to have a growth mindset too. I want my kids to know I’m not perfect—no one is. And whether it’s following a new recipe or figuring out the right thing to say, I want them to know I don’t always get it right. But I’m trying. And I’m willing to listen and try again if I mess up.
Harvard Business Review’s short video on “What Having a Growth Mindset Actually Means” explains how embracing this line of thinking—that you can grow your talents—can positively affect a company and its employees. The same thing would apply in your home. If you’re willing to learn along with your child (and not believe you’re born knowing how to be a good mom) your kids will feel more “empowered” and “committed” to grow and work hard too.
2. “This stage is hard, but my child and I will get through it together.”
The eye roll stage started at 13. But before that, my kid went through the door-slam stage. Both stages tested my ability to stay calm. But now that my kid’s nearing 15, I can hardly remember every difficulty. The thing is, we made it through each one.
Your children will test you in more ways than you ever imagined. Some days, you’ll want to give up. The thing is, we’re challenged by our children. And these challenges truly make us stronger and better parents. Between “stages,” you’ll have laughter and memory making too. Keep that in mind.
3. “Maybe there’s a better way.”
Only when my child hit a certain age did I start to think, What I’m doing isn’t working. It’s humbling to admit. But when you think, I need to figure out a better way, you’ve got yourself a growth mindset, which can only make you a better parent.
Have you looked for advice from experts either online or in books? Have you talked to friends or your mom about ideas?
4. “My husband might be right.”
Oh, the humility one must have to have to admit this. And it definitely took me years to come to this conclusion. But once I did, I felt like my husband and I became more of a team, and we started to see better results with certain challenging behaviors from our kids.
Being open to changing your line of thinking can help you become a better mom. Can your husband help you grow as a parent? Try giving his suggestions a second chance.
5. “Progress takes time.”
If my child’s getting frustrated because he can’t master something right away, this is my reminder to him. It takes time, dude. Keep at it. I realize I need to take my own advice more often as well. I expect my kids to fall into line right away, but it never works that way. To see progress (such as a change in kid behavior), I have to accept that I will need to stay committed to the cause, and probably give reminders for the first few weeks.
When you want progress to happen, remind yourself to be patient. Expecting results too quickly will only lead to disappointment. Sometimes, you’ll need months to see a change in behavior. But shifting your mindset in this direction will help you stick with it and be the support your child needs during this time.
How will you try to incorporate more growth-mindset thinking in your day-to-day?
