“Sleep when the baby sleeps,” the checkout lady said to me after noticing my obvious baby bump. I smiled, accepted the receipt she handed me, and wondered if I should accept her advice, too. I honestly didn’t know. I’d never been a mom before. But, based on the random suggestions I kept receiving from women, I felt like I was walking around with a jar with “tips for first-time moms” written on it.
That’s the thing about mothers. We love helping each other out because we understand how challenging (and incredibly wonderful) being a mom can be. And, guys, we really do need all the support we can get! So rather than walk around with your own “tips for first-time moms” jar, make note of these 8 bits of wisdom to guide you on your way.
1. Make sure you rest.
As far as tips for a first time mom go, sleeping when the baby sleeps seems like a good one. It’s certainly quoted enough! But it’s not actually practical. First of all, babies sleep a lot. The Sleep Foundation clocks newborns at 16 to 18 hours a day and older infants at 12 to 16 hours a day. Adults simply don’t need as much sleep as our babies. The better tip is to make sure you rest. Your little one needs you at odd hours. So, embrace the mom nap at 10 a.m., or take a long, hot shower at 2 a.m. to relax. The bottom line is to find what kind of rest you need and create space for it.
2. Recognize that everything is just a phase.
Sometimes when you’re in the thick of a difficult season, you start to believe it won’t ever change. But, it will. Mama. Your baby will eventually sleep through the night. Your toddler will learn how to make it to the potty every time. And your little one will grow out of separation anxiety. Soak in all the beautiful moments and release all the heavy ones. Neither lasts forever, but the one thing that will last is your love for your child.
3. Believe in yourself.
You and your child are perfectly created for each other, which is why YOU are the parenting expert on your child—even when you don’t feel like it. As your child grows, so will your confidence. You’re the one who can distinguish her cry from another child’s cry. You’re the one who knows she wants more blueberries simply because she says “ba.” And you’re the one your child will call for in the middle of the night because she believes in your unique ability to comfort her. So, Mama, believe in yourself because your child certainly does!
4. Make time for your husband.
Your baby sure is cute. But so is your husband. Your baby offers proof of that. While your little one may cry and fuss to get your attention, your spouse probably won’t. But, that doesn’t mean he doesn’t need you, too. Let your husband know that you notice him, appreciate him, and want to connect with him.
5. It’s OK to ignore advice. (Yep, even all of these tips for first time moms.)
You’re gonna get a lot of opinions and advice thrown your way. Some of it is good. Some of it not so good. Suggestions will come from your in-laws, your family, your friends, other moms, the pediatrician, and random people on social media or the playground. Your child and your family are not a one-size-fits-all situation. Vet the parenting advice you’re given. Find what works for your child and family and ignore the rest. Oh, and by the way, if you have a second child, it’s a good idea to reconsider old advice because it might apply to baby number 2.
6. Be patient with yourself.
You’re brand-new at a job working with someone who doesn’t speak, demands your attention all the time, and depends on you to do (and know) everything. Girl, give yourself some time. You will become a pro. And, apply some of that patience to your postpartum body, too. Your body stretched and shuffled some organs around to make space for your growing baby in utero.
7. Be patient with your husband.
He’s new to this whole Dad job, too, and he’s trying to figure out how to best take care of his baby and wife. And, we new moms can be a wee bit tricky to figure out. So rather than throwing shade his way when he sleeps through the baby crying, throw patience toward his side of the bed instead.
8. Reach out for help if you think you’re struggling with postpartum depression.
You went through physical and emotional trauma to birth your child into the world. Your hormones are fluctuating, mommy brain is in full swing, and your sleep patterns are disrupted. If you feel like you’re dealing with postpartum depression, reach out to your doctor or find a counselor. You aren’t alone, and you don’t need to go through this alone.
What is the best tip for first time moms you’ve heard?
